God Is Part of the Union

A gorgeous solitaire diamond was placed on my ring finger on November 24th, 2005 by Lawson. We were standing a couple of feet away from Iris, the family dog and shivered by a spectacular little creek that my family had spent years walking the dog to and from in Massachusetts. It was a bitter cold day and I was in shock from the surreal experience of getting proposed to. Smiling and saying to myself; “I can’t believe this! What are my parent’s going to say?” I said yes and grabbed the hands of my future husband so happy with my mind whirling.

Thoughts of getting married turned quickly to in the next coming months, what type of birth control would be used in our marriage. A wedding date was planned for March 11th, 2006 so I knew I had to prepare myself quickly. Back at Lawson’s parent’s home in Tennessee where I was staying, the Internet became a place of research. Not only did I look up information on every possible type of birth control, I also called some of my good married friends and discovered that they were on the pill. To my horror, scientific article after article on the Net explained the dangers of using the pill, the most terrible being that the pill thins the lining of the uterus walls, making it impossible for a fertilized egg to implant and continue to survive. Sometimes the endometrium is “healthy” enough to sustain a fertilized egg but with continued daily use of the pill, the genetically complete baby boy or girl detaches and sloughs off with the next bleeding or in some cases, survives weeks into the pregnancy and eventually dies.

Growing up I had always been taught that a new life began at conception. Since I believed this, using birth control would be destroying any new fertilized egg that was ready to implant in the uterus walls. Learning that the Mini pill, and Combination pill occasionally allowed eggs to be fertilized, therefore creating new life was eye opening to me. My heart dropped as I read that millions of women are using chemicals packaged as “the pill” and are unaware that new life is being killed by the pill. The pharmaceutical companies and physicians are not telling women the entire truth about what the pill does to a woman’s body and to her unborn child.

I wanted to know for sure about these facts, so I went from pharmacy to pharmacy asking the pharmacists to give me the informational package inserts of several different birth control pills. At home I opened each and was amazed by how much information was printed in tiny type on the huge pieces of thin paper. After scanning through the data and using a magnifying glass, I found the same information that was on the Internet. Number 1. Inhibits ovulation. Number 2. Thickens cervical mucus Number 3. Thins the lining of the endometrium inhibiting implantation. Here was the information women needed so desperately to understand, however looking at the microscopic type and the vocabulary that most wouldn’t be able to define, what woman would see the truth and understand it for herself if it wasn’t told to her by doctors or in bold lettering with a simple explanation?

Since I decided that using birth control pill, shots, rings or devices such as the IUD, condoms and diaphragm would be detrimental to God, our marriage, my body and future children, I searched for an alternative and found the Natural Family Planning Center of Memphis, TN. The center teaches a method to delay or achieve a family through using the incredible design God has already placed within women’s bodies; the cycle. By observing the daily biological signs a woman has, a wife and husband chart the signs and can determine when the fertile period of the cycle is. To delay having children, a couple abstains from physical intimacy during the fertile time and resumes relations during the infertile times.

Calling the NFP Center director was such a relief and an answer to prayer. The director explained that a series of three classes for $50.00 was all that was required to learn a lifetime of the Billings Ovulation Method prior to getting married. I was so excited once I hung up the phone but nervous because for the first time, I needed to share what I learned with Lawson and hoped that he would understand and be part of the learning process.

By now it was January and our first class would be the following Monday night. After sharing with my fiancé on the phone and in person about the immorality and dangers of birth control pills and devices upon our future children, Lawson was surprised and saddened because many of his friends and family used the pills and devices and unknowingly were wreaking havoc on their bodies, marriages and unborn children. He was interested in taking the classes which later I learned, was unusual. Some men are opposed to learning Natural Family Planning.

At our first class together, we were amazed at how many other couples were present. I thought; “we’re not alone in this!” Gazing at the anatomically correct stages of a baby from conception to week four to full term, we were in awe of how tiny and beautiful God’s creation is, even when it is very small. As the director began with a prayer about God’s natural beautiful design of fertility, tears ran down my cheeks because I was so thankful we were going to learn God’s strategies for delaying and achieving a family instead of using drugs to chemically cause the death of life.
Within the three classes that took place each once a month, we learned information that would be a huge part of our marriage and a “way of life” and ultimately a testimony to others as friends brought up birth control, we would share the benefits of using the Billings Ovulation Method in our lives. We did not feel “alone” with the information presented to us. It was simple to learn and apply to our lives and if we had any questions, we could always call our NFP coach, Tina. Tina is a certified teacher of the Billings Ovulation Method and has two teenage daughters with her husband Tim. They have only used BOM in their marriage and are great role models as protestant evangelicals in Memphis.

Not only is NFP almost free, highly effective and healthy, a wonderful part of using the Billings Ovulation Method is that it allows for emotional and spiritual change to occur. One of our culture’s most harmful messages about sexuality is that human beings are practically helpless of controlling their sexual desires. This is the major cause of the drive for contraception and abortion for teens. Christ, nevertheless, has guaranteed us that with His help; we can control all of our actions, even our sexual ones. Consequently, “nothing is impossible with God.”
Paul says in Galatians 5:21-23 that our ability to contain ourselves is testimony that the Holy Spirit lives inside us: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

When a couple delays the satisfaction of being together for the greater good of each other, their children (unborn as well), or other family members who may need their care, they are practicing sexual self-mastery. The ability to for the short term give up one’s individual wishes for the good of another is a sign of emotional and spiritually development.

Liberating women is what modern contraception claims to fulfill. Despite this promise, women today are continuing to allow contraception to take all the responsibility. It is assumed that the woman will follow through on the steps to avoiding pregnancy and the man has little to no say or accountability for what happens to the woman’s body.

NFP spouses are instructed to comprehend how their combined fertility works and to cooperate with it either to delay pregnancy or plan one. Husbands and wives who use Natural Family Planning share the work together because they make the decision to make love or abstain together.

Greater communication amongst a husband and wife happens when the intimate details of a husband and wife’s fertility are discussed on a daily basis. NFP encourages a couple to be honest about their desires and family size. Every month is a chance to talk about why it may still be essential to refrain from physical intimacy during the fertile period or whether the couple is capable to joyously receive another child into the family.

Increased communication is a huge part of helping to decrease the chances of divorce. Several studies have reported the divorce rate for NFP users to be between 1 and 5 percent. At present, it is estimated that 40 percent of all U.S. marriages will end in divorce. Christian marriages are not excluded.

Greater appreciation for the spouse occurs in a home where NFP is practiced. When a person has physical intimacy available 24/7, he or she can easily take it for granted. However, when a couple must refrain from making love, the husband and wife has a tendency to appreciate it more when it is available.

According to many NFP couples, the abstinence (up to 10 days per cycle) essentially causes the husband and wife to value each other more. The abstinence tends to have a “honeymoon effect,” causing couples to desire being together once again during the infertile time.

When a couple has decided that it is necessary to postpone having a baby, husbands and wives can be assured that fondness during the fertile time is “just because.” Having a time each month when physical intimacy is to be avoided also assists couples in learning to convey their love for each other in non physical ways such as planning and making a romantic dinner, bringing the wife flowers or giving each other cards which increase the romance in the marriage. This is why NFP often cultivates greater romance between spouses and helps them remember why they fell in love in the first place.

With NFP, there are no barriers between the husband and wife – no latex or chemicals. The love between a husband and his wife is not “sterilized” or altered in any way. Greater intimacy is achieved due to nothing getting in the way of the “one-flesh union” God intends physical intimacy to be. The couple is able to give each other the total gift of themselves and receive the total gift of each other with nothing held back. Both people accept each other fully and completely. Physical intimacy is a “one-flesh union” between God, man and woman. God is part of the union.

Shortly after we got married, I suggested to Lawson that God had given him the abilities to create websites. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if a website was created that allowed Billings users to keep track of their cycles online? My husband entertained the idea for a while before sitting down and actually producing an online iteration of the paper stamps we had been previously using. The site he created was used exclusively by us until we had worked most of the bugs out. Then, after gaining permission from the President of the Billings Ovulation Method in the United States, we went live with the website officially during the Spring of ’06.

During the fall of 2006, we decided to attend a Memphis Billings Ovulation Method teacher’s training conference in order to distribute our business cards and explain the website to the conference attendees. We received a welcome reception and most were pleased with what Lawson explained and produced. Others were skeptical, questioning if a website like ours could be beneficial for all Billings users. Lawson and I had decided together to charge each online user two dollars a month in exchange for an online subscription to use the site. The first month would be a free trial. Only users who had been trained in the Billings Ovulation Method would benefit from the website named:
www.nfpcharting.com

It was really exciting to get feedback from Billings teachers all over the United States and Canada. Some sent emails of Thank You’s and encouragement. Our initial idea was to first contact all the Billings teachers and in turn, they would hopefully spread the word about our site to their students. Each student would subscribe to the website, utilize their free trial month and then pay for the amount of months he/she wished to use it. Teachers who were signed up with us would be able to log on and have access to their student’s charting. This enabled teachers who lived long distance to observe their student’s charts to look for health issues, irregularities and incorrect charting. All of the teachers were enabled to have free subscriptions which turned out to be a perk for them.

In September 2007, we began using the fertile days of my cycle to achieve pregnancy. Months passed and we prayed that God would allow us to have a child in His time, not ours. Ten months later, I shakily held a pregnancy test in my hand while calling Lawson on my cell saying; “There’s a faint positive line. I may be pregnant.” My husband advised me not to get too excited, it could be a false reading but I didn’t think so. Deep down I knew I was carrying a child inside of me, after all, I had been feeling nauseous!

The pregnancy was confirmed by the doctor a week later but looking at our online charts, we knew pregnancy had been achieved due to an unchanging pattern. I began researching how to take care of myself and the baby and made arrangements to meet with midwives at Trillium WomanCare in Memphis.

My relationship with the midwives was wonderful. Lawson captured the first heartbeat sounds on his iphone. The only technology used during the entire pregnancy were two ultrasounds, (one to determine sex and the other to figure placement of the baby). I had blood work done one time early on in the pregnancy to identify blood type, a gestational diabetes test in January and GBS swab testing done by myself in the office restroom at 36 weeks. When it was realized at 40 weeks that Ruth was a breech baby, I did accept an external version by the midwives. The experience I had with Amy and Andrea was by far more comfortable than any experience I would have had in the hospital. They put on some calming music, turned off the lights and used lavender oils on my belly while massaging Ruth in a counter clockwise motion. I appreciated their sensitivity when I started crying because it hurt. The midwives stopped the external version immediately, and monitored Ruth’s heartbeat. I cried, not because it was extraordinarily painful trying to get Ruthie to turn, I was sad, because I was going to face a c-section to get my breech baby out.

For the next two days, I wept, mourning the loss of a home birth we had planned for so long.