Randomness

So Ruthie randomly laughs and giggles at me throughout the day. I will place her on the changing table and she'll start laughing uncontrollably. Or, I'll be ready to feed her and sit her on my lap and she'll giggle away with her mouth open in a giant smile. Now, I've spent a lot of time with a lot of different babies over the years and have never experienced a laughing/giggling baby at 3.5 months. It makes me wonder what thoughts cross her mind. Either her mommy looks funny or she is thinking something hilarious.

At the age of 3.5 months, Ruthie girl is now over 16 pounds and has graduated into Pamper size 3 diapers. I happened to find a package of size 4 diapers in the closet the other day and tried them on Ruthie. They work well and do not leave imprints on her bottom from being too tight.

I decided to bring Kit to the vet today to have her nails trimmed. A thought of how wonderful it would be to have a vacation from Kit crossed my mind and I called Lawson to ask him what he thought about it. He agreed that we deserved a vacation from Kit and gave the go ahead. While I was waiting for Kit to be taken to her doggie friends, I happened to look inside of one of the examination rooms as the door opened. I saw a black sheep dog lying on the floor on top of some old towels and blankets. It's eyes were closed and it lay lifeless. The veterinarian was a thin young woman with black hair pulled back into a pony tail. Her eyes looked sad as she watched the dog's owners leave hurriedly out the door. A man and woman in their early 40's rushed past me sniffing loudly, eyes glassy and skin reddened. They exited out the front door and fast walked to the privacy of their car, where I imagined both of them exploded into painful heart wrenching sobs. This couple's dear companion had departed. What I had witnessed made it painful for me to say goodbye to Kit. The time spent with your pet is precious and here I was asking the vet to take care of ours while we relaxed at home without her. What was I thinking???

Realizing that it was a friend's birthday today, I called her on the phone and wished her a Happy Birthday. The conversation went something like this: Her: "I saw the picture you sent of your house. I hate you. It is so big." Me: That's not very nice to say." Her: "I don't mean it. I guess it is pretty nice on the inside too?" Me: "I guess you could say that." Her: "Andrew is going to speech therapy. He is very behind with his speech. I don't know what to do about it." Me: "Try reading books to him often and have conversations with him all the time." Her: "He won't sit for books. He hates them." Me: "Picture books are short. They don't take very long to go through. We have been reading Ruth "picture books" since before she was born." Her: "Well, he won't stay in one place." Me: "You have to implement structure and discipline into his life or he'll be out of control." Her: "Yeah, he has been out of control a lot, like at the park the other day."

mommy club

On Thursday, March 19th, I officially become a mother. Little did I realize that I officially became part of a world wide club of mothers. This fact has been exemplified time and time again since Ruthie has been born. Mothers and grandmothers come out of the woodwork to converse with me, ooh and ah, touch Ruthie, reminisce of their younger years as mothers and give advice. A lot of these interactions are welcomed by me. After all, who wouldn't be a little pleased at all of the attention? However, some of the attention is unwelcome such as one woman thought it her place to reach into Ruthie's carrier, find her binkie and force it into Ruthie's mouth. It was one of those times that time stood still, my mind racing, thinking...."I can't believe she did that! Ask permission please!" Next time, my mommy protective mode will be on and ready.

Conversations seem to always center around three themes: the pregnancy experience, the birth experience and the parenting experience. I have been surprised to discover that most women love to inform me of their negative pregnancy and or birth experiences. It is as if they feel compelled to unload their stories on me in order to feel better! I would rather not hear these "stories." With every negative story I hear, it makes me feel more sick inside. Unfortunately, it is not polite to tell a woman you would rather not hear her story. The best I can do is let the words come in one ear and out the other. I suppose that the "mommy club" can be beneficial psychologically for mothers to unload on each other, I'd just rather moms stick to positive stories and happy moments!

There should be a rule not to discuss any of the three themes around people who do not have children. I remember in the not too far past what it was like to be among a circle of women who chatted endless about the three themes. I was childless and had nothing to contribute to the conversation. In order to make childless and or single people welcome, keep the three themes at home or at the very least, to a minimum. I strive to be sensitive to include everyone in conversation. This, I have learned from experience.

Outsmarting Kit

It takes a lot of energy to outsmart your dog. It became necessary to outwit ours the other night when we decided to sleep upstairs since she had crept into our room earlier in the day and emptied her bladder on our bed. Fortunately, we got the pee up and washed all the linens!

Kit sleeps in a crate outside of our bedroom in the kitchen. Every night she watches us intently as we say goodnight to her before retiring to our room. According to Kit, Lawson needs to get into bed and remain there all night. Since our dog had peed on our bed, it was necessary to sleep elsewhere while the sheets were washing. This is not OK by Kit's standards. If she realizes that Lawson is not sleeping in his bed, she barks very loudly repetitively. Kit could care less about me however. I can sleep in any area of the house without Kit getting mad at me.

Lawson and I devised a plan together to outsmart our dog. Both of us said "Goodnight" to Kit as we went into our room and shut the door. After I brushed my teeth, took out my contacts and put on my glasses, I left the bedroom and took Kit out of her crate so she could go potty outside. While I was waiting for Kit to go potty on the grass, Lawson counted to 10, left the bedroom (making sure he shut the door) and rushed upstairs. I returned Kit to her crate and entered the bedroom once again. After I counted 10 seconds, I left the room shutting the door behind me, and traveled across the living room to check on Ruthie. Seeing her sleep peacefully, I made my way upstairs as silently as possible on my hands and knees. As I was crawling up the stairs, I heard Kit whine a bit but she was quiet after a minute or two.

We had the baby monitor upstairs with us turned up to the loudest volume possible. This was so that we would be able to hear if Kit whined or barked and Ruthie's whimpering and cries above the sound of the box fan. All went well. This was not the case however, at another time when we had to sleep upstairs.

Kit had detected that Lawson was not in bed and barked incessantly, requiring Lawson to change Kit's crate to a new location: the laundry room. Even with the door shut, we could still hear Kit as if the door was open. Lawson eventually returned her crate to it's original position and gave Kit a swat on the bottom and stern words. She continued to bark very loudly for the next 5-10 minutes but her barks eventually turned to whines and then silence after two more serious "sessions" with Lawson and I.

We could say that Kit is a great trouble maker but we love her very much and are glad that she "protects" us in the house. She will bark to alert us if things are out of place at night time. We feel more secure knowing that Kit is a great "dog alarm" and don't know what we'd do without her! (By the way, Ruthie sleeps through all of the noise)!!!

superwoman

I was such a wussy wimp before I became a mom. I didn't realize this until I became pregnant. It takes strength and will power to get through a pregnancy in a healthy way. I think of women who choose to give up cigarettes, alcohol and even drugs to achieve the healthiest pregnancy possible. Knowing that the above mentioned items are in many ways very addictive, it takes a lot of strength and will power to ignore the cravings to benefit the baby. I personally gave up sushi, cold cut sandwiches, caffeine (except for the occasional piece of chocolate) and lawn mowing!

Then there is the birth to get through. If you knew me as a child growing up, I was extremely fearful of needles and medical procedures involving knives. My parents had to ask for sedative so the doctors could remove an embedded shard of nail in my foot when I was four years old. The birth of Ruthie was not something that I imagined at all. It ended up being a c-section due to Ruthie being breech. A woman has to have nerves of steel to get through a c-section without crying during the procedures and that, surprisingly, was me. The fact that I had never been "hospitalized" before in my life and surrendering my body to medical professionals in order for a baby to be born was amazing.

Once the baby is born and in your arms, you know that your life has indeed changed forever because you will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to defend and protect that precious new little life. This really came to light once I was home alone taking care of Ruth about four weeks after she was born. A little spider was traveling its way across the tiles of the kitchen. I spied it, resolutely walked over, took a piece of wood that happened to be laying on the kitchen table and smacked that spider at least five or six times until I was satisfied it was dead. Now rewind to my life prior to baby and you would find me in the same situation placing a drinking glass over the spider and calling Lawson on the phone to tell him I trapped one for him to kill when he returned home. There is something about having that sweet baby in the house that makes a mother want to protect her no matter the cost. If I had allowed the spider to live and make an escape, who knows, it could find its way to Ruthie and bite her! I'm not having any of that. I'm telling you, I am TRANSFORMED and no longer the same person I was before children. I now have the GUTS to kill spiders without a moment's hesitation!

I have realized that I cannot take all the credit for my transformation from a wussy wimp to a strong woman with will power. God has made me a "superwoman" and has taught me many things since I have become a mom.

"Firsts" as a Mother

There are many "firsts" as a mother. The first bath, the first walk around the neighborhood, the first time to church, the first time getting spit up on your clothes, the first changing of baby's diaper and so on.

Yesterday was the first time for some vaccine shots for Ruthie. She first received some liquid bubblegum tasting Tylenol with my permission. This was to help with the fever brought on by the vaccines. Ruthie screamed and sputtered. Her eyes darted side to side looking big and glassy with tears in them. Then it was time for the vaccines. It was the first time I saw my child held down to receive a stinging painful DTaP shot in the meat of her thigh and then forced to take some nasty tasting Rotovirus vaccine in her mouth.

Before all of this happened, I was able to explain to the nurse that if possible, I wanted Ruthie to receive two particular pharmaceutical brands of the vaccines. They possessed one of the brands of the DTaP shot but not for the Rotovirus. I think the nurses were surprised that I made requests of vaccine brands. I suppose most women bring their infants in and subject their child to the battery of vaccines without questioning the brands.

I have learned through research that there are two brands of the Rotovirus vaccine. One has five live and whole virus strains and fetal cow blood in it and the other contains just one live and whole virus strain with no fetal cow blood. Guess which vaccine was available? The one I did not want (by Merck) but knew that the benefits of a Rotovirus vaccine outweighed the risks of Ruthie contracting Rotovirus during early childhood. I watched with anguish, with my heart ripping as five live and whole virus strains with fetal cow blood drained into Ruthie's mouth as she screamed bloody murder as only an infant can do. I asked if it tasted nasty and the nurse replied she did not ever want to find out. I prayed that there wouldn't be mild or serious side effects as a result of the vaccine such as seizures, intestinal complications that require surgery to correct it, fussiness, abdominal pain, diarrhea, vomiting and bloody stools. Unfortunately, most children catch Rotovirus during the first few years of their life, so with this in mind, we chose to get Ruthie vaccinated against it. It just gives me an unsettling feeling knowing that "medical scientists" create vaccines with controversial ingredients such as cow blood in them.

As for the DTaP vaccine, this is a shot that combines the vaccines for Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis. I specifically requested that the Daptacel brand be used for Ruthie since it does not contain cow extract, however, the painful truth is that all brands of the DTaP vaccine contain controversial ingredients such as aluminum and formaldehyde. That is pretty DISGUSTING! The pharmaceutical scientists claim that aluminum and formaldehyde help the vaccine to work better but common sense tells me otherwise. These components "may help" but introducing CHEMICALS that should not enter our bodies is dangerous.

My thought on having Ruthie receive this combo vaccine is this: Pertussis is common in the United States because infants contract the disease from infected adults and die from it. This is my only reason for requesting the DTaP vaccine. Diphtheria is virtually non-existent in America and Tetanus is not an infant disease. It is too bad that the DTaP vaccine is the only vaccine made available to inoculate infants against Pertussis. A Pertussis vaccine has not been created at this time. So us parents have to live with the fact that our children have a chance at having one of the following reactions to the DTaP vaccine: lymph node swelling, heart inflammation, serious swelling of injected limb, diabetes, seizures, bruises, bleeding disorders, blue color from poor circulation, severe allergic reactions, skin infections, brain damage, nerve dysfunction, and Guillain-Barre syndrome.

As a parent, I have done my research and requested the best options for our child when it came to the first round of vaccines. Lawson and I have had to diligently watch for any signs of side effects. Some side effects could take place up to a couple of months later. There is a chance that anyone who changes Ruthie's diaper could contract the Rotovirus through the stool so precautions such as cleanliness and washing of hands are necessary to keep from getting infected.

I am REALLY looking forward to another "first." Next time, I hope it will be a pleasant one.

Motherhood is forever

Becoming a mother changes a woman forever. Once it happens, there is no turning back. I believe you become a mother the minute you find out you're pregnant. At that moment, you realize that your body is sustaining a life inside. You have the decision to take care of yourself so that the life has the best chance of survival, or you can decide to make choices selfishly, putting your baby at risk or even death if so desire to do so. You constantly have part of your heart beating inside of another human being that is attached to you for eternity. Even if you decide to "separate" yourself from that little human, you will always be that child's mother, no matter if you live or die or that child lives or dies. The child could live to be 99 years old or die at 24 days in the womb and you will still be that child's mother, no matter what events occur. Why is this you ask? Life is sacred. Once life is created, a soul has come into being. A spirit of a person (soul) is so special, we cannot even wrap our minds around the fact that the soul lasts for eternity.

Living the life of a mother is a choice however. So many in this world do not want the responsibility of being a mother. It means you have to put someone else first and yourself last. In our materialistic society where humanism is encouraged, many girls and women have been taught that self is first. It does not matter so much that the children are placed on the "back burner," it matters that you get your money, your time, your possessions, your looks, your feelings etc... Well, what about the child?

From the time I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a mother. There was no question about it, either I was going to have my own children or adopt. I had dreamed and planned for years how I would raise my sons and daughters with my future husband. I am so thankful to now have a husband who shares the desires of my heart to raise children for the glory of God. We did not choose to have children to "show them off" as if they are a status symbol. It amazes me that so many parents get trapped into this thinking of keeping up with the Jones Family. I saw this happen repeatedly at the private school I taught at. Each family had to "one up the other" using their children to do so. Bragging about the offspring's abilities, showing off the beauty and talents, denying that their children had issues and having the mindset that the kids were perfect and could do no wrong. Buying the children off instead of spending time with them made me feel sorry for my students. These children did not know what it was like to spend lengthy quality time with their parents. Love does not grow from attaining material possessions or money. Love grows from the time a parent spends with their child doing things together, while at the same time, training the child.