The C-Section

I got a call from our practitioner on Wednesday with all of the c-section details. Yes, I was going to be having a c-section on Thursday morning due to the fact that Ruth was breech. Lawson and I would arrive no later than 5:30am on Thursday to begin the admitting process. Hospitals are now making it slightly easier to get admitted into a hospital. Some paperwork can be completed online and sent in with a click of a button.

After dreaming about the way I wanted our baby to be born and then to have that dream taken away from me in an instant was really tough. I knew the risks involved with c-sections and worked very hard the last nine months to avoid unnecessary interventions and ultimately a c-section. Unfortunately, Ruth had other plans. She was in great position to be born until two weeks before the due date. At a prenatal appointment two weeks out, she had taken a breech position. I tried all sorts of "proven" exercises and strategies to try to turn her. Nothing worked. I learned there was a better recovery for mom and baby if a c-section was scheduled before labor began. So we took Andrea's recommendation and knew that this was the "safest" way to get Ruthie out at this point.

We spent our last "childless" evening going to dinner at Newk's Restaurant in Southaven, stopped at a Whole Foods store in Memphis to get some Arnica and granola bars and packed last minute items for the hospital. Boy, did we over pack! I think we were planning for a five day stay the way we packed!

It was surreal to wake up at 4ish in the morning to ready ourselves for the trip to the hospital. I quickly got on the computer to finalize the last details of our "c-section birth plan" and then got dressed and lamented the fact that I wasn't able to eat anything.

Upon arrival, we waited a moment in the Jeep to pray that God would take care of all of us and give us peace and comfort in the hours ahead. I certainly felt calmness and peacefulness! It had to be from God because if you really knew me growing up, I was always hysterical about medical procedures at the doctors' office. I wasn't able to handle getting a shot without crying and having a fit! The only previous hospital experience I have ever had was when I came in to have a shard of nail removed from the bottom of my foot. Knowing that I would go haywire, my parents had asked that I be sedated during the procedure. That experience only lasted a couple of hours. A c-section is a much bigger deal since ya know - it is MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY!

We got admitted to the hospital and I was brought into my room. Lawson was asked to come back in 45 minutes after all the pre-op stuff was completed. Seeing the bassinet in my room startled me. Our baby was going to be out of me and resting comfortably in that bassinet in a matter of a few short hours! I was asked to trade my clothes with a uncomfortable hospital gown and then had the "pleasant" experience of having an IV put in and I got to watch as IV fluids drained into my arm. That was a first! The baby monitor was put on me next so the nursing staff could hear the heartbeat and know when contractions happened. Ruth didn't like having the assessment done. She kept evading the monitor and the nurses had to keep finding her by moving around the sensors constantly.

I was asked about 80 questions; some of which centered on physical/emotional abuse from the spouse. These questions are customary to alert staff about possible abuse situations and make arrangements for social services to come in and handle patients psychological well-being. Lawson was eventually allowed to come back in. He caught me in the middle of another embarrassing procedure that I wish he hadn't come for but whatcha going to do eh?

I made sure that the nurse had a bit of pay back time after all I went through :) It took her some time to go through our c-section birth plan and then she politely explained that due to hospital procedures, some of our requests would be denied such as playing music during the surgery. Little did she know, that my surgeon would say yes to this request! Ha ha!

Our practitioner, Andrea arrived about 1/2 hour late but it was great to see another familiar face in the unfamiliar surroundings. She checked the heart and contraction monitors and introduced us to our surgeon, Dr. Caruthers. I don't know if getting to meet the surgeon in your room is customary before surgery, but he came in, asked if I had any questions and looked over the nurses notes etc.. I asked him if I could play music during the surgery and he said he was planning on playing some for himself and didn't see why I couldn't. Score! After he left, we learned shortly that our surgery was moved to a later time and would be closer to 8am. I was getting somewhat nervous. I can always tell when I get nervous because I shake uncontrollably. Everyone in the room thought I was cold.

So the closer it got to 8, the more I shook and the more calm I felt - weird! A nurse came in and gave me some really disgusting red juice stuff for me to drink. She told me it was to keep the stomach acids calm. Lawson put on the sterile operating scrubs and was told to not touch "anything blue" in the operating room. Lawson's mother came in and kissed me on the cheek at that point. The nurses who would be with me in surgery came to wheel me out. I remained on my bed for the short ride down the hall. I am glad it wasn't a long ride, that would have been too much! Upon arrival, two nurses started placing sensors on the upper part of my body. I was put into a position in which my back was arched as far as it would possibly go while in a sitting position. My shoulders had to be kept down and relaxed. A nurse next to me said; "Arch your back like a mad black cat." So I thought about a mad black cat while another nurse started to explain what the nurse anesthesiologist was doing to my back. She put in some numbing medicine into my back first and once I was numb, she put in the spinal block. Although I didn't feel pain, I could feel the pressure of the needle going in between the spine bones. This gave me the eeby jeebies and the willy nillies. In my mind, I thought in a mantra; "This is all a dream, this is all a dream." What even made the experience more dream-like was the music that happened to be playing in my ears from Lawson's cell phone and wasn't from the playlist; it was from a game he had loaded onto it.

I first noticed my upper legs getting tingly and then my whole lower body seemed to "fall asleep" much like when your leg or foot falls asleep from poor circulation. I was moved to the operating table to get the dreaded catheter put in and honestly, I didn't feel it at all which I was extremely happy about. When the nurse said she was going to put it in, I told her this process was really disgusting and all of the nurses laughed at my comment.

A blue screen was placed up in front of my head, my arms were not tied down (which I had requested in the c-section birth plan) and I thought; "This is just like you see on T.V. Pretend you are on T.V. Alison." Lawson was admitted to the room and sat next to me on the left of my head. I asked him to help me find the play list since I had somehow "lost" it. He got the play list going and I didn't like the first song that was playing but didn't care to tell him at that point. The anesthesiologist kept testing and poking me saying; "Can you feel this?"

Dr. Caruthers arrived and started playing his "easy listening music." He looked over the screen and asked if we were ready to see baby Ruth. Of course we were ready. I felt no pain but did feel the pressure of all of the movements the surgeon was making. There was pulling, pressure, things being separated and I could imagine what was happening. Lawson watched most of the surgery over the screen. He didn't get sick. I really wanted to have the screen lowered so I could at least see Ruth being lifted over the horizon of my belly, but alas, I wasn't allowed to. :(

I don't really see how a c-section could be called birth because our baby came out of me but I did not get to see her being born. A c-section is more like "magic." All of a sudden, you have a baby outside of you and a surgery had to be performed to get her out. I did nothing to help her emerge...the surgeon and his helper nurses did..I felt like my role in her birth was just to be a "good patient" and lay there and pray everything would go alright. In a c-section, the mother does nothing but lay on the table and feel tugging, pulling, pressure sensations. I did not feel oxytocin, the natural "mothering" hormone that is produced during a natural birth. I felt like I missed out on a lot but nothing could be done to change the circumstances. With a c-section, you have to accept the surgery, that other people will surgically remove the baby.

Lawson watched Ruth being lifted up high and brought over the the warm isolet for an examination. He asked for my permission to be with her and I said - "Go on." The next sensations I felt were not very comfortable. There was a lot of intense crampiness and an almost painful sensation of things being taken out and then put back in. At that point, Lawson walked over with our daughter and sat down on a stool about a foot away from me. I didn't care to see her, my mind was on the intense crampiness and uncomfortableness of putting me back together. I asked aloud, "Should I be feeling this?" Lawson later told me that when I asked this question, he watched the surgeon take out parts, examine each and returned them back to my body. This by far, was the most terrible part of the surgery. I kept trying to count backwards from 20 to 0 so I had some sort of reference to hold on to. It seemed like putting the stitches in took forever. I kept thinking.."What's taking so long?" I told the anesthesiologist that I felt severe cramping and was not feeling so good. She left and returned shortly with a mask and some sort of drug to relax me. I don't think what she gave me helped at all. I just waited for the surgery to end. Lawson brought Ruth over to my head and she looked like what I had dreamed her to look. The emotions weren't there but in my head I was glad Ruth made it out fine.

The nurses pulled down the curtain and moved me in one motion from the operating table to my bed. They were so fast and efficient! At that point I was whisked out of the room and down the hall with Lawson and Ruth following behind. I was greeted by Andrea and a couple of nurses. At that point, Andrea helped Ruth get into a side lying position and we began our nursing relationship together. It wasn't as hard as I thought and Ruth surprisingly was very cooperative. Andrea mentioned that some c-section babies can be excellent nursers - it just depends on the mind-set of the mother.

After the first nursing session, Andrea had to leave, so I thanked her for coming and helping us out. Lawson wanted to know when his parents could show up. I told him to have them in. They arrived and I was very tired. Trying to keep my eyes open was challenging. I don't remember much of their visit. Lawson got most of the visit on video and I look so drugged up! It is a wonder that Ruth didn't feel the effects of the drugs too much. I am glad she came out within the first five minutes of the surgery - less chance of being exposed to drugs.