Movement and Sleep

Movement has become very fun and entertaining for our soon to be 9 month old. I think Ruthie just might enjoy roller coasters in the future since she smiles and laughs when Daddy plays "Super Baby" by holding her trunk with his hands and moving her around the room like Superman does in the movies. When music is playing, I'll hold Ruth in my arms like "we're dancing" and we'll sway and twirl around the room together. The movement makes the little girl smile and giggle. She may be slightly dizzy by the time we're finished spinning slowly in our living room. She loves it when daddy tosses her slightly out of his reach in the air. In addition, instead of carefully turning around to examine each play station on her exersaucer, Ruthie loves jumping up and down using her feet to pop up and make the little plastic balls inside of the station containers shake with noise.

Sleep has been interrupted every night by Ruthie waking herself up. By utilizing her sheer "baby strength," Ruthie manages to escape from the blanket around her lower body and roll over the sleep positioner wedges only to get one of her legs trapped between two slats of the crib. I hear her cry softly to begin with and then a very audible scream is heard that increases in intensity by the time I hurry across the house to reach her. I carefully remove her trapped leg and roll the little girl back into place, directly center of the crib mattress. What is infuriating for me is that Ruthie continually wakes up in a crawling position and being "half asleep," cannot return to her sleeping position independently. So I dutifully help her out with a smile on my face. She looks so cute with her eyes shut, crying piteously, helpless and not a baby for long.

I looked online last night at one in the morning for a solution to Ruthie's waking up problem. By perusing parent's posts on various sites, I discovered that if I wrap Ruthie's bottom and legs together tightly with a light blanket, it will eliminate Ruthie's ability to utilize her legs to roll over. In a last ditch attempt after the third wake up last night, I wrapped Ruthie's legs and went to bed praying for Ruth to sleep until at least 6am. The wrapping of the leg thing worked. Ruthie is still asleep and it is 8:30am. I have checked on her at least four times throughout the night and early morning hours due to my worry and fear that "something must have happened to her" since she was miraculously still sleeping. Now excuse me, I am going to wake up our daughter to begin our day. We have to make it to the Winn's house by 10am this morning. So much to do in so little time.

Ruthie Update

Ruthie update: Many thanks to the Witcher blog which this entry is based upon. Ruthie - you are eight months old and 23 pounds! You wear 12-18 month size clothing and size 3 shoes.

You learned to roll in October but have yet to crawl. When we place you on your tummy, you complete some push ups but cry and whine when you think you have been on the floor too long!

At dinner time with us you sit in your high chair with a bib around your neck. Since you were six months old, you have tried; peaches, sweet potato, pear, banana, brown rice cereal (organic), carrots and peas. You weren't a fan of the pear or peas that much since you spit those up (vomited) but you look forward to trying other foods in the future. You like to nurse and keep cozy with your mommy.

At night time you have been sleeping in a light pink sleep bag and we swaddle your arms with a small white blanket. The temperature in your nursery has been rather chilly so mommy and daddy bought you a self-standing heater that drives the chill away!

On Tuesday nights you enjoy the devotion and praise/worship time with your parents. Daddy plays the guitar and you wave your arms; sometimes shaking the egg shaker.

Every night daddy reads you your board books and your favorite is SkippyJon Jones followed closely by Look at the Animals. You enjoy flipping the pages as quickly as possible when you are in a "flipping the pages mood." However, the pictures cause you to voice your opinion with the loud noises you make.

Your favorite companion besides mommy during the day is Kit the family beagle puppy. Your arms reach out to touch her and Kit never complains when you get a handful of skin and fur. When Kit shakes her bed or runs around really fast, you sometimes think it is funny and giggle and shout with delight. Kit enjoys licking you when mommy isn't looking.

At the beginning of this month, you have learned to reach your arms up to indicate you want to be picked up. Just last week you squeezed your hands open and closed like mommy and daddy showed you.

November times

I don't know why but every time I blow my nose, Ruthie smiles really big at me. Perhaps she thinks it's funny to have a tissue in front of my nose. Besides that, our little girl also finds it amusing for us to brush our teeth. A huge smile slides across her small face as she sits on our bedroom floor watching us at the bathroom sink. Games such as Peekaboo and Patty Cake create lots of giggles and smiles. Over the years, I have babysat or was a Day Care teacher for a lot of babies and never did really hear those babies laugh with a full belly laugh. Ruth takes the cake with all the giggles. Her chuckles makes me laugh sometimes so hard, tears are streaming out of my eyes.

The past two weeks or so, Ruthie and I have had colds. Not the mild little cold you sometimes get that lasts 2-3 days, I'm talking about a cold that lasts for two weeks or so. Ruthie didn't know what hit her. She enjoyed great health until that cold swamped us. All of a sudden she had a drippy nose, her throat was probably sore, and her head most likely felt compressed as mine was. Our poor little cat bird was whiny and tired. She absolutely hated when I used the nose bulb on her. We practically lived on the couch for days at a time and the only times that provided Ruth with breathing relief was when I took a shower. She would stand in her Exersaucer while I showered, making sure it was long enough for the steam to collect in the room. We would inhale deeply and our heads would clear temporarily. My awesome husband went to Target to buy a humidifier for Ruthie's room. The first night we used it, the little girl was so distracted by the sounds of the machine, it took her much longer than usual to fall asleep. Since then, the humidifier has been a blessing. She and I can breathe normally in her room.

Nursing has so many benefits for a child that is sick. Just after a couple of gulps of milk, our baby could breathe through her congested nose. She seemed to enjoy nursing while she was sick. The milk was like medicine to her little body. In fact, Ruthie has had no signs of a cold for four days now while I still cough and blow my nose. So pleasant!

In my last post I mentioned Ruth had learned to roll across the room. Not anymore! I don't know what has possessed her to stop. When she is on her belly, she will half roll to one side or the other but never completes a roll. It is as if she really wants to crawl forward but hasn't figured it out yet. We'll just have to give her more opportunities to be on her tummy and both Lawson and I will be patient, waiting for the day when she makes her first move forward!

After seeing Ruthie enjoy the swings at the park so much, I jumped at the chance to get our own swing set a month ago from some friends in our Sunday School class. We paid $50.00 for a two year old metal post swing set which I think was a great deal in this time of economic crisis. Lawson and his father brought it home on a long trailer his father possessed. What amazed me was the entire swing set was driven home intact, fully assembled on the trailer with no mishaps. Lawson and my father in law carried it through our double gate doors and set it on the side of the yard where I would be able to see from the window, Ruthie and her future friends play. Since the set didn't include a baby swing, we ordered one from online and used the unused chains to hang it up. Ruth LOVES her new swing! We use it on good weather days like today.

"Ruthie, let's go swing outside."

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii!"

Ruthie update

Just last week at the Dr. office to check up on Ruthie's dry skin, I discovered Ruthie gained half a pound in ten days time! I don't know how that happened. So now, Ruthie is 21 lbs 11 oz. It is exciting to see our little girl change and grow each week. While at my parents house from Oct. 12-19th, Ruth was able to accomplish a solo roll onto her stomach from the right side all by herself and complete a half roll without any assistance. This week she is able to roll multiple times across the room. If given the opportunity and the space, Ruthie can roll clear across her bedroom floor!

I was concerned that Ruthie would have a lack of playmates as she grew up since no one in our circle of married friends have children the same age as Ruthie. Fears rested aside however when I started meeting younger and older moms at church who have babies born around the same time of year. Unfortunately, these mothers are not in our Sunday School class but are spread out in different classes at church. I can imagine coordinating events with them will be difficult but over time perhaps we'll become friends.

This morning Ruthie has been trying to escape from her Bumpo seat. I'm amazed the girl still fits! I can get her chubby little legs into the seat then the little girlie tries to push herself out of the Bumpo by leaning back as far as she possibly can. Amazing!

In other news, Ruthie began "speaking" ie. babbling at my parents home. She says: "AHHHHHHH!" and "da da da" and hiiiiii!" and some other baby words when she is happy and or frustrated. She also chirps with pleasure when she views herself in the mirror.

When people ask me if Ruthie sleeps through the night, I say "pretty much." The girl did "sleep" through the night for a month or so during late summer and that discontinued when we traveled to my grandparents in early September. Ever since then, I have had to get up at least once in the night to put the paci in her mouth or feed her because she is hungry. What people don't understand is, Ruthie is asleep while she is screaming in the middle of the night. Maybe she is experiencing night terrors which I have read about. I calm her down while her eyes are still shut.

As I read about more and more people getting the "swine flu" I get more paranoid about bringing Ruthie into public places often. The only public place we often venture out to on a weekly basis is either Target or Kroger. I do get very irritated when people come up and try to touch Ruth. Who knows where these people's hands have been? At Kroger I usually try not to lallygag about the store. We have a list and stick to it, looking out for coughing/sneezing kids and avoid touching anything with my bare hands. I know, I'm crazy but who wants to deal with a sick child at home or in the hospital? I certainly don't!

This past weekend I received a plastic bag full of little girl winter clothes for Ruthie to wear. A friend in our Sunday School class has two boys and with no hope of a girl anytime soon, she let us have some 12 month clothes. I was very excited about this since Ruthie was running out of things that would fit her. She will certainly look cute in the new purple and pink warm outfits.

New Ruthie Developments

Today Ruthie weighed in at 20 lbs 6 ounces at the Dr. office. The girl has slowed down in growth. Lawson and I were joking around the other day saying that Ruthie would become 40 lbs by age one. Between 5 - 12 months, a breastfed baby's weight slows down due to being more mobile. Ruthie's mobility has increased to rolling more often from her stomach to her back and just last week, learned how to sit up independently. Time wise, she could only hold herself up for a few seconds. A couple of days later, she was able to manage 10 minutes and now days afterward, 20 minutes or more without falling backwards or sideways is an accomplishment!

Two weeks ago Ruthie discovered her hands and ears. She would hold her hands up and stare at them and play with her fingers. Other times Ruthie would pull on her ears, making them turn bright red. In addition to this, she enjoyed the sensation of getting dizzy by quickly turning her head back and forth. Now some would say this was an indication Ruthie had an ear infection but persistent crying and fussiness were not present.

Just last week, Ruthie learned about her feet. She realized that there were weird looking objects connected to her legs with strange looking pieces attached that she could curl and move by herself. Ruthie has enjoyed pulling her feet up to her face to sniff and stare at her feet and toes.

Since Ruthie was an infant, she has found the piano to be a tremendous source of excitement. From the time she played her first note to recently playing many notes all at one time with exuberant little hands, Ruthie has loved the piano. In addition to piano, Ruthie relishes her time reading books with Mommy and Daddy. With the hard back Peekaboo book, Ruthie stops "reading" with Daddy every time he says the word; "Peekaboo," she stares at her father's face.

Baby Sleeping, Sleeping Baby

Last week I decided to purposefully stop getting up in the middle of the night to feed Ruthie while she was asleep and see what would happen. The result? Ruthie slept through the night from 9pm to 7am. Since Ruthie was over five months old and possessed enough fat on her, I resisted the urge to get up and let the girl sleep. I had been nursing Ruthie at least one or more times at night since she was two weeks old. People would look at me crazy when I would tell them I fed Ruthie while she was asleep. "Doesn't she wake up?" people would ask. Quite the contrary. All I would do is gently lift sleeping Ruth up, get her into position and she would contentedly "dream feed." After nursing was over, I would gently lay her down and watch her smack her lips a couple of times and sigh before breathing rhythmically in a continued state of deep sleep.

Due to research, I've learned that young babies can get dehydrated if they sleep through the night without eating. This comes to light when the first diaper change in the morning yields no "presents."

Feeding Ruthie throughout the night had kept me from "hurting" and also was an effective way to prevent my cycles from resuming, therefore remaining infertile, which was a plus for Lawson and I. Since we were not using birth control, shots or devices to keep from getting pregnant, maintaining my nursing relationship with Ruthie was essential to hold fertility at bay. I had a personal goal of maintaining infertility for up to a year. Unfortunately, due to missing some feedings with Ruth, my fertility was trying to come back five months post baby. After discussing this with my mother, I learned that her cycles resumed at about five months also. Perhaps genetics has something to do with it.

Don't get me wrong, keeping a record of my body's physical signs on a daily basis is still essential to see what is going on with my body and work with it to continue preventing pregnancy even after cycles have resumed post baby.

Now that little Ruthie is sleeping for longer periods at night, I am a bit sad knowing my girlie is growing up and not so little anymore but I'm also beginning to recall what it is like to have uninterrupted sleep with very little need to nap during the day! Ruthie, on the other hand, needs at least four hours of napping daily in order to have restful sleep at night and not turn into a monster. During my little girl's sleeping breaks (one in the mornings and one during the afternoons), I have learned to make the most of the time by getting things accomplished on my "to do list."

My child's sleeping schedule has helped me be more organized which has been a very good thing!

God Is Part of the Union

A gorgeous solitaire diamond was placed on my ring finger on November 24th, 2005 by Lawson. We were standing a couple of feet away from Iris, the family dog and shivered by a spectacular little creek that my family had spent years walking the dog to and from in Massachusetts. It was a bitter cold day and I was in shock from the surreal experience of getting proposed to. Smiling and saying to myself; “I can’t believe this! What are my parent’s going to say?” I said yes and grabbed the hands of my future husband so happy with my mind whirling.

Thoughts of getting married turned quickly to in the next coming months, what type of birth control would be used in our marriage. A wedding date was planned for March 11th, 2006 so I knew I had to prepare myself quickly. Back at Lawson’s parent’s home in Tennessee where I was staying, the Internet became a place of research. Not only did I look up information on every possible type of birth control, I also called some of my good married friends and discovered that they were on the pill. To my horror, scientific article after article on the Net explained the dangers of using the pill, the most terrible being that the pill thins the lining of the uterus walls, making it impossible for a fertilized egg to implant and continue to survive. Sometimes the endometrium is “healthy” enough to sustain a fertilized egg but with continued daily use of the pill, the genetically complete baby boy or girl detaches and sloughs off with the next bleeding or in some cases, survives weeks into the pregnancy and eventually dies.

Growing up I had always been taught that a new life began at conception. Since I believed this, using birth control would be destroying any new fertilized egg that was ready to implant in the uterus walls. Learning that the Mini pill, and Combination pill occasionally allowed eggs to be fertilized, therefore creating new life was eye opening to me. My heart dropped as I read that millions of women are using chemicals packaged as “the pill” and are unaware that new life is being killed by the pill. The pharmaceutical companies and physicians are not telling women the entire truth about what the pill does to a woman’s body and to her unborn child.

I wanted to know for sure about these facts, so I went from pharmacy to pharmacy asking the pharmacists to give me the informational package inserts of several different birth control pills. At home I opened each and was amazed by how much information was printed in tiny type on the huge pieces of thin paper. After scanning through the data and using a magnifying glass, I found the same information that was on the Internet. Number 1. Inhibits ovulation. Number 2. Thickens cervical mucus Number 3. Thins the lining of the endometrium inhibiting implantation. Here was the information women needed so desperately to understand, however looking at the microscopic type and the vocabulary that most wouldn’t be able to define, what woman would see the truth and understand it for herself if it wasn’t told to her by doctors or in bold lettering with a simple explanation?

Since I decided that using birth control pill, shots, rings or devices such as the IUD, condoms and diaphragm would be detrimental to God, our marriage, my body and future children, I searched for an alternative and found the Natural Family Planning Center of Memphis, TN. The center teaches a method to delay or achieve a family through using the incredible design God has already placed within women’s bodies; the cycle. By observing the daily biological signs a woman has, a wife and husband chart the signs and can determine when the fertile period of the cycle is. To delay having children, a couple abstains from physical intimacy during the fertile time and resumes relations during the infertile times.

Calling the NFP Center director was such a relief and an answer to prayer. The director explained that a series of three classes for $50.00 was all that was required to learn a lifetime of the Billings Ovulation Method prior to getting married. I was so excited once I hung up the phone but nervous because for the first time, I needed to share what I learned with Lawson and hoped that he would understand and be part of the learning process.

By now it was January and our first class would be the following Monday night. After sharing with my fiancé on the phone and in person about the immorality and dangers of birth control pills and devices upon our future children, Lawson was surprised and saddened because many of his friends and family used the pills and devices and unknowingly were wreaking havoc on their bodies, marriages and unborn children. He was interested in taking the classes which later I learned, was unusual. Some men are opposed to learning Natural Family Planning.

At our first class together, we were amazed at how many other couples were present. I thought; “we’re not alone in this!” Gazing at the anatomically correct stages of a baby from conception to week four to full term, we were in awe of how tiny and beautiful God’s creation is, even when it is very small. As the director began with a prayer about God’s natural beautiful design of fertility, tears ran down my cheeks because I was so thankful we were going to learn God’s strategies for delaying and achieving a family instead of using drugs to chemically cause the death of life.
Within the three classes that took place each once a month, we learned information that would be a huge part of our marriage and a “way of life” and ultimately a testimony to others as friends brought up birth control, we would share the benefits of using the Billings Ovulation Method in our lives. We did not feel “alone” with the information presented to us. It was simple to learn and apply to our lives and if we had any questions, we could always call our NFP coach, Tina. Tina is a certified teacher of the Billings Ovulation Method and has two teenage daughters with her husband Tim. They have only used BOM in their marriage and are great role models as protestant evangelicals in Memphis.

Not only is NFP almost free, highly effective and healthy, a wonderful part of using the Billings Ovulation Method is that it allows for emotional and spiritual change to occur. One of our culture’s most harmful messages about sexuality is that human beings are practically helpless of controlling their sexual desires. This is the major cause of the drive for contraception and abortion for teens. Christ, nevertheless, has guaranteed us that with His help; we can control all of our actions, even our sexual ones. Consequently, “nothing is impossible with God.”
Paul says in Galatians 5:21-23 that our ability to contain ourselves is testimony that the Holy Spirit lives inside us: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

When a couple delays the satisfaction of being together for the greater good of each other, their children (unborn as well), or other family members who may need their care, they are practicing sexual self-mastery. The ability to for the short term give up one’s individual wishes for the good of another is a sign of emotional and spiritually development.

Liberating women is what modern contraception claims to fulfill. Despite this promise, women today are continuing to allow contraception to take all the responsibility. It is assumed that the woman will follow through on the steps to avoiding pregnancy and the man has little to no say or accountability for what happens to the woman’s body.

NFP spouses are instructed to comprehend how their combined fertility works and to cooperate with it either to delay pregnancy or plan one. Husbands and wives who use Natural Family Planning share the work together because they make the decision to make love or abstain together.

Greater communication amongst a husband and wife happens when the intimate details of a husband and wife’s fertility are discussed on a daily basis. NFP encourages a couple to be honest about their desires and family size. Every month is a chance to talk about why it may still be essential to refrain from physical intimacy during the fertile period or whether the couple is capable to joyously receive another child into the family.

Increased communication is a huge part of helping to decrease the chances of divorce. Several studies have reported the divorce rate for NFP users to be between 1 and 5 percent. At present, it is estimated that 40 percent of all U.S. marriages will end in divorce. Christian marriages are not excluded.

Greater appreciation for the spouse occurs in a home where NFP is practiced. When a person has physical intimacy available 24/7, he or she can easily take it for granted. However, when a couple must refrain from making love, the husband and wife has a tendency to appreciate it more when it is available.

According to many NFP couples, the abstinence (up to 10 days per cycle) essentially causes the husband and wife to value each other more. The abstinence tends to have a “honeymoon effect,” causing couples to desire being together once again during the infertile time.

When a couple has decided that it is necessary to postpone having a baby, husbands and wives can be assured that fondness during the fertile time is “just because.” Having a time each month when physical intimacy is to be avoided also assists couples in learning to convey their love for each other in non physical ways such as planning and making a romantic dinner, bringing the wife flowers or giving each other cards which increase the romance in the marriage. This is why NFP often cultivates greater romance between spouses and helps them remember why they fell in love in the first place.

With NFP, there are no barriers between the husband and wife – no latex or chemicals. The love between a husband and his wife is not “sterilized” or altered in any way. Greater intimacy is achieved due to nothing getting in the way of the “one-flesh union” God intends physical intimacy to be. The couple is able to give each other the total gift of themselves and receive the total gift of each other with nothing held back. Both people accept each other fully and completely. Physical intimacy is a “one-flesh union” between God, man and woman. God is part of the union.

Shortly after we got married, I suggested to Lawson that God had given him the abilities to create websites. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if a website was created that allowed Billings users to keep track of their cycles online? My husband entertained the idea for a while before sitting down and actually producing an online iteration of the paper stamps we had been previously using. The site he created was used exclusively by us until we had worked most of the bugs out. Then, after gaining permission from the President of the Billings Ovulation Method in the United States, we went live with the website officially during the Spring of ’06.

During the fall of 2006, we decided to attend a Memphis Billings Ovulation Method teacher’s training conference in order to distribute our business cards and explain the website to the conference attendees. We received a welcome reception and most were pleased with what Lawson explained and produced. Others were skeptical, questioning if a website like ours could be beneficial for all Billings users. Lawson and I had decided together to charge each online user two dollars a month in exchange for an online subscription to use the site. The first month would be a free trial. Only users who had been trained in the Billings Ovulation Method would benefit from the website named:
www.nfpcharting.com

It was really exciting to get feedback from Billings teachers all over the United States and Canada. Some sent emails of Thank You’s and encouragement. Our initial idea was to first contact all the Billings teachers and in turn, they would hopefully spread the word about our site to their students. Each student would subscribe to the website, utilize their free trial month and then pay for the amount of months he/she wished to use it. Teachers who were signed up with us would be able to log on and have access to their student’s charting. This enabled teachers who lived long distance to observe their student’s charts to look for health issues, irregularities and incorrect charting. All of the teachers were enabled to have free subscriptions which turned out to be a perk for them.

In September 2007, we began using the fertile days of my cycle to achieve pregnancy. Months passed and we prayed that God would allow us to have a child in His time, not ours. Ten months later, I shakily held a pregnancy test in my hand while calling Lawson on my cell saying; “There’s a faint positive line. I may be pregnant.” My husband advised me not to get too excited, it could be a false reading but I didn’t think so. Deep down I knew I was carrying a child inside of me, after all, I had been feeling nauseous!

The pregnancy was confirmed by the doctor a week later but looking at our online charts, we knew pregnancy had been achieved due to an unchanging pattern. I began researching how to take care of myself and the baby and made arrangements to meet with midwives at Trillium WomanCare in Memphis.

My relationship with the midwives was wonderful. Lawson captured the first heartbeat sounds on his iphone. The only technology used during the entire pregnancy were two ultrasounds, (one to determine sex and the other to figure placement of the baby). I had blood work done one time early on in the pregnancy to identify blood type, a gestational diabetes test in January and GBS swab testing done by myself in the office restroom at 36 weeks. When it was realized at 40 weeks that Ruth was a breech baby, I did accept an external version by the midwives. The experience I had with Amy and Andrea was by far more comfortable than any experience I would have had in the hospital. They put on some calming music, turned off the lights and used lavender oils on my belly while massaging Ruth in a counter clockwise motion. I appreciated their sensitivity when I started crying because it hurt. The midwives stopped the external version immediately, and monitored Ruth’s heartbeat. I cried, not because it was extraordinarily painful trying to get Ruthie to turn, I was sad, because I was going to face a c-section to get my breech baby out.

For the next two days, I wept, mourning the loss of a home birth we had planned for so long.

Busy July

This summer has been very interesting indeed. During the tail end of June and into the first week of July, we hosted a family from our Sunday School class while they were waiting for their new house to "close" so they could move in. Our home has two bedrooms, a bathroom and a game room upstairs that we never use so we offered the space to our friends while they were waiting to move into their new house. Knowing that their two young children had "summer colds," the parents kept the kids upstairs as much as possible so as to not infect Ruthie.

Sandrine offered to cook dinner on Monday night for everyone. Her dill/garlic mashed potatoes, grilled fillets wrapped with bacon and sugar snap peas were delicious. Lawson however, could barely eat a thing. This surprised me. He must have been feeling very terrible to not have been able to eat. Then he decided to go to bed and from there, things got worse. Hubby requested that I pick up some things at Walgreen's to hopefully relieve his symptoms. I knew things were REALLY bad when I saw Lawson laying on the bathroom tile floor in pain. I personally, would never lie on the bathroom floor, but if I was in severe pain? Perhaps.

Later that night, I got up to give Ruth her usual feeding but then got exhausted waking up multiple times to see my sweetie husband awake, in obvious pain and turning lights on and off. He looked up his symptoms online using his IPhone and wondered if he might have a kidney stone or appendicitis. By morning light, it was clear that Lawson was not going in to work and he emailed his boss to tell her so.

The early morning hours were spent feeding and changing Ruth and trying desperately to find a urologist that had an opening during the morning. I found one that was available by 2pm but Lawson had better fortune. He booked an appointment for 9am at St. Francis, Memphis. Upon hearing that I had to drive us there, I hurriedly finished nursing Ruth, strapped her in her car seat, grabbed the diaper bag, my purse and shoved the Snap and Go stroller in the trunk of my little Saturn. Only later at the hospital did I realize that I had left my wallet with my driver's license at home, not to mention, Ruthie's Binky (how did I survive at the hospital without it for hours?) and my IPhone.

Upon arrival at the urologists office, Ruthie made it clear to me that she needed a diaper change with her crying so I surveyed the women's bathroom to find no diaper changing station. I had to make do with lying Ruthie on her changing mat using the floor to change her, shall I say.. LOADED diaper. After waiting a ridiculous amount of time, I found out from Lawson that he needed an X-Ray. So off he went to get that done while we waited in the hall floor. I must have received some odd stares from people as I entertained a crying baby in the floor with her little lamb and a teething ring. Some time later, Lawson returned and due to the diagnosis being unclear, a C-Scan was ordered.

We walked together down to the C-Scan area of the hospital which was a much better environment for Ruthie and I. After buying some Bayer for Lawson at the hospital pharmacy with Lawson's debit card, I decided to explore the "Women's Lounge" after overhearing the receptionist mention it. The lounge was paradise compared with the floor outside of the urologists office! Everything was brand new; a private bathroom, an empty lounge area with cushy chairs, a T.V. and best of all, separate changing rooms with curtains that could be pulled for privacy! For a nursing mother, this was a dream come true in a hospital! I quickly returned to the front desk to leave a message for Lawson that I would be in the women's lounge while he was having the C-Scan. I could have remained in the women's lounge for the rest of the day and night! Alas, our stay was short lived. Once I nursed Ruthie, we discovered that Lawson had finished up with the scan and went back to the urologists to find out the results of the scan.

Well, the results were not pretty... an emergency appendectomy was ordered. Lawson seemed happy and relieved that a diagnosis was made and he was on his way to getting pain-free. Unfortunately, unknown to us at the time, we would have to wait in the emergency room for five hours until he could be admitted and taken care of.

While we waited in the (shall I say, SCARY) emergency room, Lawson's parents arrived, followed by Sam whose family was staying in our home, then the church choir director came to chat it up with us and lastly, Sam's wife, Sandrine showed to offer encouragement. My mother in law drove to Chik fil A to get a necessary lunch for me, and Sam called before coming over to see if we needed anything to be brought to the hospital. I took the opportunity to have him bring the much needed Binky, IPhone, wallet and extra diapers and wipes. If it weren't for Sandrine's quick emails, and Facebook updates, people would not have been aware of our situation. If we hadn't had Sam's family staying with us during the week, it would have been terribly inconvenient for the in-laws to go extra distance to retrieve the things I needed.

Most people would think that bringing a three month old to the hospital is a bad idea. I had no choice with being a nursing mother for Ruthie. We found safe, clean vacant places for me to nurse without being interrupted. While everyone was waiting in the emergency room, I nursed Ruthie in the brand new Heart Center which surprisingly was empty and very comfortable. A kind nurse saw us through a window and came in to find out about our situation and gave me encouragement on nursing Ruth instead of giving her formula. "It's very healthy what you're doing, you know." She said this in front of my mother-in-law which must have been hard to hear.

By five, Lawson was finally admitted, I remained with him until he got settled in and a nurse started the assessment. Lawson's father took over and stayed with his son until surgery began. I was emotionally calm, knowing that God would take care of everything, besides I had Ruthie to care for. My mother in law went out to get dinner and the in laws and I reunited in the waiting room upstairs WAITING for Lawson's surgery to be over. As we ate dinner, we received periodic updates by telephone from the nurses explaining the progress of the surgery. This was my first time waiting at a hospital for someone to have surgery. I thought it was quite considerate for the hospital staff to update us. For them, it was probably customary.

By 8:45pm, Lawson was wheeled up to his recovery room and we hustled upstairs to receive him. The in-laws knew what to do and where to go and where to stand...they had obviously done this multiple times during their lives and I followed their lead.

When Lawson was wheeled down the hall, I saw him on a rolling bed, covered up with white sheets up to his neck and one surrounding his head. Eyes were closed and he responded weakly to our cheerful "hello's" and "How are you feeling?" I positioned myself up by the left side of his head and said quietly said; "Hi." He returned my salutation with a little smile. Two nurses (one male and one female) asked that we remain in the hall while they got things situated. Lawson was wheeled into his small room and the door closed. My mother in law wanted to know why they closed the door. My father in law replied; "He's undressed under all of those sheets. They did that to give him privacy." Very soon, we were allowed to see Lawson. I pulled Ruthie out of her carseat so she could give Lawson a "kiss." We talked for a little bit and left shortly in order to give Lawson some rest; he was fading fast into a deep sleep.

The following morning, I returned with Ruthie to the hospital to drop off Lawson's much needed phone charger and a change of clothes. He was not in the best of moods due to being in a lot of pain from the surgery. When things got unbearable, he would press a button on the pain pump and a calculated amount of pain meds would be delivered to him through his IV.

Rick Miller came by at noon to say hi and chat a bit during his lunch hour. It was odd to see someone from church in the hospital environment! I didn't stay very long after Rick's visit, Lawson was in a miserable mood to say the least.

Around dinner time, Ruthie and I came back to the hospital to learn Lawson was getting discharged. His parents took him home while I made a run to the store to get much needed semi-liquid foods for Lawson to eat for the next couple of days.

By the time Lawson arrived home, it was close to 9pm due to the wait at Walgreens for pain meds and my thoughtlessness! I had not brought hubby's wallet to the hospital, thinking he wouldn't need it. The night ended with Lawson and I sitting on the couch chatting with Sam and Sandrine for an hour before we all retired.

Randomness

So Ruthie randomly laughs and giggles at me throughout the day. I will place her on the changing table and she'll start laughing uncontrollably. Or, I'll be ready to feed her and sit her on my lap and she'll giggle away with her mouth open in a giant smile. Now, I've spent a lot of time with a lot of different babies over the years and have never experienced a laughing/giggling baby at 3.5 months. It makes me wonder what thoughts cross her mind. Either her mommy looks funny or she is thinking something hilarious.

At the age of 3.5 months, Ruthie girl is now over 16 pounds and has graduated into Pamper size 3 diapers. I happened to find a package of size 4 diapers in the closet the other day and tried them on Ruthie. They work well and do not leave imprints on her bottom from being too tight.

I decided to bring Kit to the vet today to have her nails trimmed. A thought of how wonderful it would be to have a vacation from Kit crossed my mind and I called Lawson to ask him what he thought about it. He agreed that we deserved a vacation from Kit and gave the go ahead. While I was waiting for Kit to be taken to her doggie friends, I happened to look inside of one of the examination rooms as the door opened. I saw a black sheep dog lying on the floor on top of some old towels and blankets. It's eyes were closed and it lay lifeless. The veterinarian was a thin young woman with black hair pulled back into a pony tail. Her eyes looked sad as she watched the dog's owners leave hurriedly out the door. A man and woman in their early 40's rushed past me sniffing loudly, eyes glassy and skin reddened. They exited out the front door and fast walked to the privacy of their car, where I imagined both of them exploded into painful heart wrenching sobs. This couple's dear companion had departed. What I had witnessed made it painful for me to say goodbye to Kit. The time spent with your pet is precious and here I was asking the vet to take care of ours while we relaxed at home without her. What was I thinking???

Realizing that it was a friend's birthday today, I called her on the phone and wished her a Happy Birthday. The conversation went something like this: Her: "I saw the picture you sent of your house. I hate you. It is so big." Me: That's not very nice to say." Her: "I don't mean it. I guess it is pretty nice on the inside too?" Me: "I guess you could say that." Her: "Andrew is going to speech therapy. He is very behind with his speech. I don't know what to do about it." Me: "Try reading books to him often and have conversations with him all the time." Her: "He won't sit for books. He hates them." Me: "Picture books are short. They don't take very long to go through. We have been reading Ruth "picture books" since before she was born." Her: "Well, he won't stay in one place." Me: "You have to implement structure and discipline into his life or he'll be out of control." Her: "Yeah, he has been out of control a lot, like at the park the other day."

mommy club

On Thursday, March 19th, I officially become a mother. Little did I realize that I officially became part of a world wide club of mothers. This fact has been exemplified time and time again since Ruthie has been born. Mothers and grandmothers come out of the woodwork to converse with me, ooh and ah, touch Ruthie, reminisce of their younger years as mothers and give advice. A lot of these interactions are welcomed by me. After all, who wouldn't be a little pleased at all of the attention? However, some of the attention is unwelcome such as one woman thought it her place to reach into Ruthie's carrier, find her binkie and force it into Ruthie's mouth. It was one of those times that time stood still, my mind racing, thinking...."I can't believe she did that! Ask permission please!" Next time, my mommy protective mode will be on and ready.

Conversations seem to always center around three themes: the pregnancy experience, the birth experience and the parenting experience. I have been surprised to discover that most women love to inform me of their negative pregnancy and or birth experiences. It is as if they feel compelled to unload their stories on me in order to feel better! I would rather not hear these "stories." With every negative story I hear, it makes me feel more sick inside. Unfortunately, it is not polite to tell a woman you would rather not hear her story. The best I can do is let the words come in one ear and out the other. I suppose that the "mommy club" can be beneficial psychologically for mothers to unload on each other, I'd just rather moms stick to positive stories and happy moments!

There should be a rule not to discuss any of the three themes around people who do not have children. I remember in the not too far past what it was like to be among a circle of women who chatted endless about the three themes. I was childless and had nothing to contribute to the conversation. In order to make childless and or single people welcome, keep the three themes at home or at the very least, to a minimum. I strive to be sensitive to include everyone in conversation. This, I have learned from experience.

Outsmarting Kit

It takes a lot of energy to outsmart your dog. It became necessary to outwit ours the other night when we decided to sleep upstairs since she had crept into our room earlier in the day and emptied her bladder on our bed. Fortunately, we got the pee up and washed all the linens!

Kit sleeps in a crate outside of our bedroom in the kitchen. Every night she watches us intently as we say goodnight to her before retiring to our room. According to Kit, Lawson needs to get into bed and remain there all night. Since our dog had peed on our bed, it was necessary to sleep elsewhere while the sheets were washing. This is not OK by Kit's standards. If she realizes that Lawson is not sleeping in his bed, she barks very loudly repetitively. Kit could care less about me however. I can sleep in any area of the house without Kit getting mad at me.

Lawson and I devised a plan together to outsmart our dog. Both of us said "Goodnight" to Kit as we went into our room and shut the door. After I brushed my teeth, took out my contacts and put on my glasses, I left the bedroom and took Kit out of her crate so she could go potty outside. While I was waiting for Kit to go potty on the grass, Lawson counted to 10, left the bedroom (making sure he shut the door) and rushed upstairs. I returned Kit to her crate and entered the bedroom once again. After I counted 10 seconds, I left the room shutting the door behind me, and traveled across the living room to check on Ruthie. Seeing her sleep peacefully, I made my way upstairs as silently as possible on my hands and knees. As I was crawling up the stairs, I heard Kit whine a bit but she was quiet after a minute or two.

We had the baby monitor upstairs with us turned up to the loudest volume possible. This was so that we would be able to hear if Kit whined or barked and Ruthie's whimpering and cries above the sound of the box fan. All went well. This was not the case however, at another time when we had to sleep upstairs.

Kit had detected that Lawson was not in bed and barked incessantly, requiring Lawson to change Kit's crate to a new location: the laundry room. Even with the door shut, we could still hear Kit as if the door was open. Lawson eventually returned her crate to it's original position and gave Kit a swat on the bottom and stern words. She continued to bark very loudly for the next 5-10 minutes but her barks eventually turned to whines and then silence after two more serious "sessions" with Lawson and I.

We could say that Kit is a great trouble maker but we love her very much and are glad that she "protects" us in the house. She will bark to alert us if things are out of place at night time. We feel more secure knowing that Kit is a great "dog alarm" and don't know what we'd do without her! (By the way, Ruthie sleeps through all of the noise)!!!

superwoman

I was such a wussy wimp before I became a mom. I didn't realize this until I became pregnant. It takes strength and will power to get through a pregnancy in a healthy way. I think of women who choose to give up cigarettes, alcohol and even drugs to achieve the healthiest pregnancy possible. Knowing that the above mentioned items are in many ways very addictive, it takes a lot of strength and will power to ignore the cravings to benefit the baby. I personally gave up sushi, cold cut sandwiches, caffeine (except for the occasional piece of chocolate) and lawn mowing!

Then there is the birth to get through. If you knew me as a child growing up, I was extremely fearful of needles and medical procedures involving knives. My parents had to ask for sedative so the doctors could remove an embedded shard of nail in my foot when I was four years old. The birth of Ruthie was not something that I imagined at all. It ended up being a c-section due to Ruthie being breech. A woman has to have nerves of steel to get through a c-section without crying during the procedures and that, surprisingly, was me. The fact that I had never been "hospitalized" before in my life and surrendering my body to medical professionals in order for a baby to be born was amazing.

Once the baby is born and in your arms, you know that your life has indeed changed forever because you will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to defend and protect that precious new little life. This really came to light once I was home alone taking care of Ruth about four weeks after she was born. A little spider was traveling its way across the tiles of the kitchen. I spied it, resolutely walked over, took a piece of wood that happened to be laying on the kitchen table and smacked that spider at least five or six times until I was satisfied it was dead. Now rewind to my life prior to baby and you would find me in the same situation placing a drinking glass over the spider and calling Lawson on the phone to tell him I trapped one for him to kill when he returned home. There is something about having that sweet baby in the house that makes a mother want to protect her no matter the cost. If I had allowed the spider to live and make an escape, who knows, it could find its way to Ruthie and bite her! I'm not having any of that. I'm telling you, I am TRANSFORMED and no longer the same person I was before children. I now have the GUTS to kill spiders without a moment's hesitation!

I have realized that I cannot take all the credit for my transformation from a wussy wimp to a strong woman with will power. God has made me a "superwoman" and has taught me many things since I have become a mom.

"Firsts" as a Mother

There are many "firsts" as a mother. The first bath, the first walk around the neighborhood, the first time to church, the first time getting spit up on your clothes, the first changing of baby's diaper and so on.

Yesterday was the first time for some vaccine shots for Ruthie. She first received some liquid bubblegum tasting Tylenol with my permission. This was to help with the fever brought on by the vaccines. Ruthie screamed and sputtered. Her eyes darted side to side looking big and glassy with tears in them. Then it was time for the vaccines. It was the first time I saw my child held down to receive a stinging painful DTaP shot in the meat of her thigh and then forced to take some nasty tasting Rotovirus vaccine in her mouth.

Before all of this happened, I was able to explain to the nurse that if possible, I wanted Ruthie to receive two particular pharmaceutical brands of the vaccines. They possessed one of the brands of the DTaP shot but not for the Rotovirus. I think the nurses were surprised that I made requests of vaccine brands. I suppose most women bring their infants in and subject their child to the battery of vaccines without questioning the brands.

I have learned through research that there are two brands of the Rotovirus vaccine. One has five live and whole virus strains and fetal cow blood in it and the other contains just one live and whole virus strain with no fetal cow blood. Guess which vaccine was available? The one I did not want (by Merck) but knew that the benefits of a Rotovirus vaccine outweighed the risks of Ruthie contracting Rotovirus during early childhood. I watched with anguish, with my heart ripping as five live and whole virus strains with fetal cow blood drained into Ruthie's mouth as she screamed bloody murder as only an infant can do. I asked if it tasted nasty and the nurse replied she did not ever want to find out. I prayed that there wouldn't be mild or serious side effects as a result of the vaccine such as seizures, intestinal complications that require surgery to correct it, fussiness, abdominal pain, diarrhea, vomiting and bloody stools. Unfortunately, most children catch Rotovirus during the first few years of their life, so with this in mind, we chose to get Ruthie vaccinated against it. It just gives me an unsettling feeling knowing that "medical scientists" create vaccines with controversial ingredients such as cow blood in them.

As for the DTaP vaccine, this is a shot that combines the vaccines for Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis. I specifically requested that the Daptacel brand be used for Ruthie since it does not contain cow extract, however, the painful truth is that all brands of the DTaP vaccine contain controversial ingredients such as aluminum and formaldehyde. That is pretty DISGUSTING! The pharmaceutical scientists claim that aluminum and formaldehyde help the vaccine to work better but common sense tells me otherwise. These components "may help" but introducing CHEMICALS that should not enter our bodies is dangerous.

My thought on having Ruthie receive this combo vaccine is this: Pertussis is common in the United States because infants contract the disease from infected adults and die from it. This is my only reason for requesting the DTaP vaccine. Diphtheria is virtually non-existent in America and Tetanus is not an infant disease. It is too bad that the DTaP vaccine is the only vaccine made available to inoculate infants against Pertussis. A Pertussis vaccine has not been created at this time. So us parents have to live with the fact that our children have a chance at having one of the following reactions to the DTaP vaccine: lymph node swelling, heart inflammation, serious swelling of injected limb, diabetes, seizures, bruises, bleeding disorders, blue color from poor circulation, severe allergic reactions, skin infections, brain damage, nerve dysfunction, and Guillain-Barre syndrome.

As a parent, I have done my research and requested the best options for our child when it came to the first round of vaccines. Lawson and I have had to diligently watch for any signs of side effects. Some side effects could take place up to a couple of months later. There is a chance that anyone who changes Ruthie's diaper could contract the Rotovirus through the stool so precautions such as cleanliness and washing of hands are necessary to keep from getting infected.

I am REALLY looking forward to another "first." Next time, I hope it will be a pleasant one.

Motherhood is forever

Becoming a mother changes a woman forever. Once it happens, there is no turning back. I believe you become a mother the minute you find out you're pregnant. At that moment, you realize that your body is sustaining a life inside. You have the decision to take care of yourself so that the life has the best chance of survival, or you can decide to make choices selfishly, putting your baby at risk or even death if so desire to do so. You constantly have part of your heart beating inside of another human being that is attached to you for eternity. Even if you decide to "separate" yourself from that little human, you will always be that child's mother, no matter if you live or die or that child lives or dies. The child could live to be 99 years old or die at 24 days in the womb and you will still be that child's mother, no matter what events occur. Why is this you ask? Life is sacred. Once life is created, a soul has come into being. A spirit of a person (soul) is so special, we cannot even wrap our minds around the fact that the soul lasts for eternity.

Living the life of a mother is a choice however. So many in this world do not want the responsibility of being a mother. It means you have to put someone else first and yourself last. In our materialistic society where humanism is encouraged, many girls and women have been taught that self is first. It does not matter so much that the children are placed on the "back burner," it matters that you get your money, your time, your possessions, your looks, your feelings etc... Well, what about the child?

From the time I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a mother. There was no question about it, either I was going to have my own children or adopt. I had dreamed and planned for years how I would raise my sons and daughters with my future husband. I am so thankful to now have a husband who shares the desires of my heart to raise children for the glory of God. We did not choose to have children to "show them off" as if they are a status symbol. It amazes me that so many parents get trapped into this thinking of keeping up with the Jones Family. I saw this happen repeatedly at the private school I taught at. Each family had to "one up the other" using their children to do so. Bragging about the offspring's abilities, showing off the beauty and talents, denying that their children had issues and having the mindset that the kids were perfect and could do no wrong. Buying the children off instead of spending time with them made me feel sorry for my students. These children did not know what it was like to spend lengthy quality time with their parents. Love does not grow from attaining material possessions or money. Love grows from the time a parent spends with their child doing things together, while at the same time, training the child.

God's provision

So three days after my mother arrived, Lawson was laid off at FedEx. Upon hearing this news from him on the phone, I momentarily had a breakdown, cried and was slightly hysterical for 20 minutes while my mother held Ruth on her shoulder and repeated over and over; "Oh my gosh!"

Our midwife arrived for our two week appointment as I was envisioning us selling our house and having to move to wherever Lawson got a job. Upon seeing Amy at the front door, I pulled myself together, wiped tears from my face as Amy entered and I filled her in briefly on our changing circumstances. Then we began discussing Ruth's health and my recuperation from the c-section.

Lawson arrived home during Amy's visit and I was amazed at his calmness. At that point I felt that God was going to take care of us and give us peace to get us through this hard time. My husband sat down in "Kit's chair" and started going through paperwork. Amy asked to hold Ruth, told her she was a keeper and claimed she wasn't going to have to weigh our little girl using the "fish scale" since we had her weighed at the doctor's a couple of days prior. The visit was short, Amy told us we had a lot to discuss and she had to move on to another appointment.

Once our midwife left, Lawson filled us in on the details of what transpired at work that morning. He then disappeared into the office where he promptly filled out six job applications and networked on the phone with contacts. Lawson's grandmother informed him that he had a cousin working in Nashville as a headhunter and should be expecting a phone call that day.

My thoughts returned to a song we had both heard on K-Love a couple of months ago. The song tells of a man who has lost his job. He dresses up every morning and "goes to work" too ashamed to tell his wife the truth. I remember Lawson commenting that if he ever lost his job, he would tell his wife and everyone right away. The more people who know, the better chance of networking and finding a new job. Lawson did exactly that. He shared the news on Facebook, emailed contacts and called friends and family. One of the jobs he applied for was at UT Memphis and a FedEx co-worker who had previously worked at UT Memphis "put in a good word" for Lawson and nine business days later, Lawson had a another job.

Crying nights

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted anything. Ruth was 9 weeks yesterday, May 21st. At the end of week two, my mother came to visit us. She was very helpful with taking care of Ruth while I took a shower or napped. At night, she was a life saver! Ruth cried for hours non stop. My mother would come downstairs and we'd take turns holding her in the darkness of the living room. I'd nurse her and then she cry. We'd change her diaper and she would cry. Mom burped Ruth on her shoulder and she would cry. I'd bounce her on the exercise ball and she would cry. Eventually, she'd settle down and be quiet, her eyes would close and I would test if she was asleep. We'd pick up one of her arms a couple of inches and let it fall. If it fell like a rag doll, Ruth was certainly in a deep sleep. If she stirred and the arm was stiff, we knew we had more work to do! When we were sure she was asleep, we'd so carefully tiptoe across the living room to the bedroom and lay her ever so gently in her cradle. Alas, Ruth felt the temperature change from my arms to feeling the coolness of the cradle sheet. The little girl wiggled and grunted and cried softly. My mother quickly rocked the cradle back and forth while Ruth whimpered; sucking on her binky. After 10 minutes of this, we convinced ourselves Ruth was asleep. I retreated to my bed ever so quietly and mom returned to her room upstairs. About 20 minutes later, Ruth commenced crying again. I would take the baby out to the living room and the entire process would occur once more. As I reflect back on this, I have realized that Ruth kept waking up due to flailing her arms, hitting them on the sides of the cradle which caused her to cry and she probably wanted to be swaddled tightly.

A Quacker

Ruth is going to be four weeks on Thursday, April 16th and all we've done since she has been born is survive! Watching our daughter sleep, eat, scream at us while we change her diapers and cry is what we've been occupied with day after day. Our red-haired little girl literally quacks like a duck when her temper flares up. First she coughs a couple of times and then begins a "whah, whah" cry. If she isn't taken care of immediately, she turns a dark red and quacks like Donald Duck. At that point, SHE IS FURIOUS! Lawson has christened her with the nickname; Ducky which I think is adorable.. Babycenter.com sent me an article with a video attached that explained the different cries of babies and what they mean. When a baby makes the "nuh, nuh" sound by moving the tongue up to the roof of the mouth, it means "hungry." This made perfect sense to me since babies move their tongues up during feeding sessions. After a nursing session I put Ruth on my shoulder and burp her by patting her back firmly. Lawson on the other hand, will "burp" Ruth but much more softly, claiming that patting her any harder will hurt her. A routine I have come up with is: change the diaper, feed, then pat her back and put her down for a nap by swaddling her tightly in a blanket. Putting her down for a nap doesn't always work. Babies have light and heavy sleep cycles and it takes a good 20 minutes or so for Ruth to settle into a deep sleep. During the light sleep stage, she will make little baby noises and her eyes move underneath her eyelids. In a deep sleep, Ruth's eyes do not move under her eyelids and she breathes in and out, sometimes moving her head, just a little.

The C-Section

I got a call from our practitioner on Wednesday with all of the c-section details. Yes, I was going to be having a c-section on Thursday morning due to the fact that Ruth was breech. Lawson and I would arrive no later than 5:30am on Thursday to begin the admitting process. Hospitals are now making it slightly easier to get admitted into a hospital. Some paperwork can be completed online and sent in with a click of a button.

After dreaming about the way I wanted our baby to be born and then to have that dream taken away from me in an instant was really tough. I knew the risks involved with c-sections and worked very hard the last nine months to avoid unnecessary interventions and ultimately a c-section. Unfortunately, Ruth had other plans. She was in great position to be born until two weeks before the due date. At a prenatal appointment two weeks out, she had taken a breech position. I tried all sorts of "proven" exercises and strategies to try to turn her. Nothing worked. I learned there was a better recovery for mom and baby if a c-section was scheduled before labor began. So we took Andrea's recommendation and knew that this was the "safest" way to get Ruthie out at this point.

We spent our last "childless" evening going to dinner at Newk's Restaurant in Southaven, stopped at a Whole Foods store in Memphis to get some Arnica and granola bars and packed last minute items for the hospital. Boy, did we over pack! I think we were planning for a five day stay the way we packed!

It was surreal to wake up at 4ish in the morning to ready ourselves for the trip to the hospital. I quickly got on the computer to finalize the last details of our "c-section birth plan" and then got dressed and lamented the fact that I wasn't able to eat anything.

Upon arrival, we waited a moment in the Jeep to pray that God would take care of all of us and give us peace and comfort in the hours ahead. I certainly felt calmness and peacefulness! It had to be from God because if you really knew me growing up, I was always hysterical about medical procedures at the doctors' office. I wasn't able to handle getting a shot without crying and having a fit! The only previous hospital experience I have ever had was when I came in to have a shard of nail removed from the bottom of my foot. Knowing that I would go haywire, my parents had asked that I be sedated during the procedure. That experience only lasted a couple of hours. A c-section is a much bigger deal since ya know - it is MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY!

We got admitted to the hospital and I was brought into my room. Lawson was asked to come back in 45 minutes after all the pre-op stuff was completed. Seeing the bassinet in my room startled me. Our baby was going to be out of me and resting comfortably in that bassinet in a matter of a few short hours! I was asked to trade my clothes with a uncomfortable hospital gown and then had the "pleasant" experience of having an IV put in and I got to watch as IV fluids drained into my arm. That was a first! The baby monitor was put on me next so the nursing staff could hear the heartbeat and know when contractions happened. Ruth didn't like having the assessment done. She kept evading the monitor and the nurses had to keep finding her by moving around the sensors constantly.

I was asked about 80 questions; some of which centered on physical/emotional abuse from the spouse. These questions are customary to alert staff about possible abuse situations and make arrangements for social services to come in and handle patients psychological well-being. Lawson was eventually allowed to come back in. He caught me in the middle of another embarrassing procedure that I wish he hadn't come for but whatcha going to do eh?

I made sure that the nurse had a bit of pay back time after all I went through :) It took her some time to go through our c-section birth plan and then she politely explained that due to hospital procedures, some of our requests would be denied such as playing music during the surgery. Little did she know, that my surgeon would say yes to this request! Ha ha!

Our practitioner, Andrea arrived about 1/2 hour late but it was great to see another familiar face in the unfamiliar surroundings. She checked the heart and contraction monitors and introduced us to our surgeon, Dr. Caruthers. I don't know if getting to meet the surgeon in your room is customary before surgery, but he came in, asked if I had any questions and looked over the nurses notes etc.. I asked him if I could play music during the surgery and he said he was planning on playing some for himself and didn't see why I couldn't. Score! After he left, we learned shortly that our surgery was moved to a later time and would be closer to 8am. I was getting somewhat nervous. I can always tell when I get nervous because I shake uncontrollably. Everyone in the room thought I was cold.

So the closer it got to 8, the more I shook and the more calm I felt - weird! A nurse came in and gave me some really disgusting red juice stuff for me to drink. She told me it was to keep the stomach acids calm. Lawson put on the sterile operating scrubs and was told to not touch "anything blue" in the operating room. Lawson's mother came in and kissed me on the cheek at that point. The nurses who would be with me in surgery came to wheel me out. I remained on my bed for the short ride down the hall. I am glad it wasn't a long ride, that would have been too much! Upon arrival, two nurses started placing sensors on the upper part of my body. I was put into a position in which my back was arched as far as it would possibly go while in a sitting position. My shoulders had to be kept down and relaxed. A nurse next to me said; "Arch your back like a mad black cat." So I thought about a mad black cat while another nurse started to explain what the nurse anesthesiologist was doing to my back. She put in some numbing medicine into my back first and once I was numb, she put in the spinal block. Although I didn't feel pain, I could feel the pressure of the needle going in between the spine bones. This gave me the eeby jeebies and the willy nillies. In my mind, I thought in a mantra; "This is all a dream, this is all a dream." What even made the experience more dream-like was the music that happened to be playing in my ears from Lawson's cell phone and wasn't from the playlist; it was from a game he had loaded onto it.

I first noticed my upper legs getting tingly and then my whole lower body seemed to "fall asleep" much like when your leg or foot falls asleep from poor circulation. I was moved to the operating table to get the dreaded catheter put in and honestly, I didn't feel it at all which I was extremely happy about. When the nurse said she was going to put it in, I told her this process was really disgusting and all of the nurses laughed at my comment.

A blue screen was placed up in front of my head, my arms were not tied down (which I had requested in the c-section birth plan) and I thought; "This is just like you see on T.V. Pretend you are on T.V. Alison." Lawson was admitted to the room and sat next to me on the left of my head. I asked him to help me find the play list since I had somehow "lost" it. He got the play list going and I didn't like the first song that was playing but didn't care to tell him at that point. The anesthesiologist kept testing and poking me saying; "Can you feel this?"

Dr. Caruthers arrived and started playing his "easy listening music." He looked over the screen and asked if we were ready to see baby Ruth. Of course we were ready. I felt no pain but did feel the pressure of all of the movements the surgeon was making. There was pulling, pressure, things being separated and I could imagine what was happening. Lawson watched most of the surgery over the screen. He didn't get sick. I really wanted to have the screen lowered so I could at least see Ruth being lifted over the horizon of my belly, but alas, I wasn't allowed to. :(

I don't really see how a c-section could be called birth because our baby came out of me but I did not get to see her being born. A c-section is more like "magic." All of a sudden, you have a baby outside of you and a surgery had to be performed to get her out. I did nothing to help her emerge...the surgeon and his helper nurses did..I felt like my role in her birth was just to be a "good patient" and lay there and pray everything would go alright. In a c-section, the mother does nothing but lay on the table and feel tugging, pulling, pressure sensations. I did not feel oxytocin, the natural "mothering" hormone that is produced during a natural birth. I felt like I missed out on a lot but nothing could be done to change the circumstances. With a c-section, you have to accept the surgery, that other people will surgically remove the baby.

Lawson watched Ruth being lifted up high and brought over the the warm isolet for an examination. He asked for my permission to be with her and I said - "Go on." The next sensations I felt were not very comfortable. There was a lot of intense crampiness and an almost painful sensation of things being taken out and then put back in. At that point, Lawson walked over with our daughter and sat down on a stool about a foot away from me. I didn't care to see her, my mind was on the intense crampiness and uncomfortableness of putting me back together. I asked aloud, "Should I be feeling this?" Lawson later told me that when I asked this question, he watched the surgeon take out parts, examine each and returned them back to my body. This by far, was the most terrible part of the surgery. I kept trying to count backwards from 20 to 0 so I had some sort of reference to hold on to. It seemed like putting the stitches in took forever. I kept thinking.."What's taking so long?" I told the anesthesiologist that I felt severe cramping and was not feeling so good. She left and returned shortly with a mask and some sort of drug to relax me. I don't think what she gave me helped at all. I just waited for the surgery to end. Lawson brought Ruth over to my head and she looked like what I had dreamed her to look. The emotions weren't there but in my head I was glad Ruth made it out fine.

The nurses pulled down the curtain and moved me in one motion from the operating table to my bed. They were so fast and efficient! At that point I was whisked out of the room and down the hall with Lawson and Ruth following behind. I was greeted by Andrea and a couple of nurses. At that point, Andrea helped Ruth get into a side lying position and we began our nursing relationship together. It wasn't as hard as I thought and Ruth surprisingly was very cooperative. Andrea mentioned that some c-section babies can be excellent nursers - it just depends on the mind-set of the mother.

After the first nursing session, Andrea had to leave, so I thanked her for coming and helping us out. Lawson wanted to know when his parents could show up. I told him to have them in. They arrived and I was very tired. Trying to keep my eyes open was challenging. I don't remember much of their visit. Lawson got most of the visit on video and I look so drugged up! It is a wonder that Ruth didn't feel the effects of the drugs too much. I am glad she came out within the first five minutes of the surgery - less chance of being exposed to drugs.

Rapid changes coming...

On Monday, I tried some strategies to get Ruth into position - but alas, it was in vain. On Tuesday, I spent the majority of my late morning and early afternoon at the office for my last prenatal appointment. The practitioners made the suggestion to try to turn the baby from the outside. So we tried it and got her to move a quarter of a turn until I felt a sharp stabbing pain and then they stopped and we spent the next 20 minutes listening to Ruth's heartbeat and checking if she was stressed. She was stressed a little bit as she was turning and then resumed her happy heartbeat sounds. If anyone was really stressed, it was me. I then learned that our practitioners highly recommended that we have a c-section scheduled before labor commences. The idea behind this was that my recovery would be faster if I didn't go through labor. Going through labor and then having to stall it for a c-section would be really rough on my body and stress Ruth even more. So, Lawson and I discussed everything and decided to follow Andrea's recommendation.

For the past nine month's and even a couple years ago, I had been mentally dreaming and preparing to handle labor and delivery with our children without the use of any medications/drugs. You can imagine if that was my mindset, how upsetting it would be to discover my dream dashed to pieces. One of my hopes is that our next child will choose not to be breech and want to come out without surgery! This is what is called a VBAC -(a vaginal birth after cesarean). So, that is my plan for our next child and hopefully, it will turn out to be a healing situation for my mind and body! To ensure having a VBAC, Lawson and I are requesting that the surgeon give me a double layer of stitching so that a VBAC will be possible in the future. If women do not get the double layer of stitching done after baby is out, their chances of having a VBAC are zero!

I called my cousin and a friend who have had two c-sections each and learned how to navigate through a c-section and recovery without too much fuss. One of the friends we made through our Bradley class was extremely helpful with the advice she gave online. Who knew that I should support my incision with a pillow every time I walk around or that I would need to get up and walk around to give the nurses the indication that I should be discharged early! I didn't know that it is helpful to keep a cool washcloth nearby to help keep baby awake during feeding sessions. Actually, this makes total sense to me since Ruth will be very sleepy from the meds and pain pills from the c-section and recovery.

My parents commented on the phone to me that I "seemed quite calm" about all of this. Well, I have no choice! I have to view this c-section as a way for Ruth to be born and getting upset about it will only make everything more stressful and make Ruth sad! Yes, believe it or not, a woman's negative emotions can make an unborn baby upset! So, I choose to be happy for Ruth's sake. This is the best situation for her to get out and the surgeon will let us know what clues they find to determine what got baby hung up in the breech position.

Last night, Lawson and I played "hippies" with a Moxa stick. I was given a Moxa stick at my prenatal appointment and instructed to have Lawson light it and hold it close to a pressure point on the outside of my pinky toe. When I felt it as being "hot" I was to say "hot" and Lawson would pull it away. This Moxa stick looks like a long cigar and smells awful. Don't let anyone say that Mugwort herb smells good! It smelled really gross and if we try it again tonight, we'll do it outside on the picnic table! The idea behind a Moxa stick is that for some women, babies will turn from breech to head down due to the pressure point being connected to the bladder. Ruthie didn't turn last night, but she was certainly very active!!! Her little hands and head kept bumping out all over the place.

Today's update on the c-section is that we go in to St. Francis - Bartlett at 5:30am, tomorrow, March 19th! The surgery will take place in the early morning after all the prep stuff of course. We'll have little Ruth out in the world with us before 9am and our new little family will be back home sometime on Saturday if all goes well.

The Weekend

During Friday and the weekend, I was pretty much consumed with trying out different strategies to get Ruthie to turn. The method I liked best and felt was getting us somewhere was lying inverted on the ironing board at a 45 degree angle which was leaning up against the couch. I coupled this technique with an ice pack at the top of my belly to discourage her from remaining high. After a couple 20-30 minutes sessions Friday and Saturday, we did notice that she had moved from being straight up to another position we can't quite figure out. Perhaps she is in a transverse sideways position? I felt for her head this morning and all I could feel was a knee or perhaps it was an elbow? Who knows? It could have been her little nose!

On Saturday morning, Lawson went over to the church to help paint our Sunday School room a milk chocolate color. It is actually lighter than milk chocolate - it is in the neutral family.

In between methods, I wrote more thank you notes, did laundry, folded clothes, cleaned, straightened up the house, walked on the treadmill and went on a "date" with Lawson since we both knew this may be the last weekend of non-parenting. We tried out a BBQ restaurant on Saturday night and decided it was one of our new favorite places. At Babies R Us, we purchased two cradle sheets (hopefully they will fit) and some other small things that we needed before Ruth made an entrance.

Sunday, we went to Sunday School and I was pleasantly surprised at how well the room looked with the new paint. It was much more cozier looking and I would not doubt if other Sunday School classes get jealous and copy our idea! The cozy factor may even bring in more people to join the class. We definitely have an advantage over other classes now! Who wants to have class in a white sterile looking environment?

For church, I sat with some people I knew in the congregation. It did not appeal to me to sit with the choir this time around since I would be standing up for a considerable amount of time and singing with a baby almost in my lungs is not very comfortable!

In the afternoon, we had lunch with Lawson's parents and helped them find a computer component at Best Buy. Afterward, we went to their house so Lawson could install the part on the computer and then we visited with Lawson's grandparents who came over for the afternoon.

During the early evening, we attended a World Religions class at church that Lawson had signed up for. It was very interesting to learn a little bit about the Muslim faith. The whole idea behind selecting this class was for Lawson to understand the differences between cultural and religious Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism. He works with people on a daily basis of the Muslim and Hindu faith and understanding where they are coming from would be an advantage for Lawson to maintain conversations about faith when it is brought up.

Ruth is a challenge already and she isn't even out yet!

So on Thursday, we went for the ultrasound and it was very apparent that little Ruth was breech. The tech allowed us to hear and see her heart beating, watch the arms and fingers moving and pretty much observe all the important things that ultrasound techs are required to display using the machine. I had to take a break near the end of the session due to feeling nauseous. It didn't feel good to lie straight on my back while the tech ran her instrument all over my belly so I turned to the side for the remainder portion of the time. The lady told us that some women come in and during the procedure, vomit all over the place. I sure hope that ladies haven't upchucked on the expensive equipment!

I felt sad that Ruthie was not in an optimal position. On the way out, I called our practitioner and gave her the low down and she gave me a plethora of advice on how to turn the baby without resorting to extreme measures such as an external version (where professionals literally try to move the baby around with their hands from the outside of the belly). This procedure is very painful and has some risks involved. Some of the non-risky ideas Amy gave me were to lie inverted on an ironing board leaning against a couch, use of heat, cold, lights and music. The idea behind using heat and cold is that babies prefer being warm and would shy away from a bag of frozen peas held on the upper belly. A heat pack can be used below the belly to attract the baby to go towards it. By utilizing a flashlight below, it hopefully would encourage her to go towards the light. (My personal opinion on this is the light would scare her!) In addition, a chiropractic visit was suggested to have the Webster technique used on me.



I have received some encouraging words from people who have had breech babies a couple weeks before term. Babies have been known to flip a couple of times before labor begins and some move during early labor. The key is to be mentally prepared in case Ruth never turns by the time she is supposed to and then we'll have to go in for a C-Section. Yuck! A C-Section is the last possible item on my list to get this baby out. I am praying that she flips and stays put so we won't have to deal with major abdominal surgery and all the risks involved with that - never mind the cost! :) Bleh!

Happy Anniversary to us!

Three years ago at 7pm, we were married at Bellvue Baptist Church in the chapel. Believe it or not, the night we joined our lives together was the same night a year before that we had our first "date." Although people think we planned our wedding day on the anniversary of our first date, trust me, it's not true. We ended up picking March 11th due to the fact it was the beginning of my school Spring Break. Lawson's grandmother thought we had selected the date because it was her birthday, but alas, we did not. It sure does help us remember her birthday though!

Today I did some laundry, took a nap, exercised and went to my weekly appointment with our practitioner. She decided that I would need an ultrasound tomorrow to determine fluid levels and fetal positioning since she was uncertain at the office. Bottom line here is she said the B word; breech. I'm not too worried - worrying doesn't help any. Worst case scenario is a C-Section (Yikes!) and best case scenario is little Ruth turns and we can continue on normally. There is a chance that baby was never breech just hard to tell due to the waters. Sorry if I am grossing anybody out! :)

Back at home, I chatted with mom on the phone and then Kit and I spent some time in the office. She chewed on her bone and I typed. Eventually, she heard the garage door opening and ran as fast as possible to the back door, skidding at times. Moments later, Lawson walked in holding a card and a small cake box from Harriet's Creations. This was the small wedding cake company we utilized for our wedding. Guess what? Lawson ordered a replica of the top tier of our wedding cake for us to celebrate our anniversary with! The butter cream frosting smelled so heavenly! We held the cake knife together and sliced into strawberry cake with strawberry filling. This is what we had for desert. So it was a wonderful way to celebrate our third anniversary; even though the big celebration was the night before at that fabulously expensive restaurant.

Folk's Folley: a night to remember

Folk's Folley was a dinner to remember. When Lawson returned home at 5:30pm, I donned a dress and wrote some emails to people while waiting to leave. At 6:10, Lawson convinced our dog to jump in his lap and when she did, he took her to the crate. By 6:12, I had DH help me put on my necklace and we went out the door by 6:15pm after saying, "Kit, we love you and we'll be back soon!" It only took 30 minutes to drive to the restaurant. Upon arrival, we pulled into the parking lot by the front door and a 17 year old guy opened the car door for me, took our keys and parked the Jeep for us as we walked through glass doors. Talk about service! At the front desk, very friendly women welcomed us and a waitress led Lawson and I to a secluded table by two windows. The room was dimmed with candles glowing at each table. For an appetizer, we ordered some fried pickles and then Lawson ordered steak medalions with three different type of sauces while I chose a petite sirloin cooked butterfly style. For sides, we selected seasoned potatoes and artichokes with a sauce on them. While waiting for the food, we tried some of the bread brought to us. It might have been French bread. The meal was scrumptious and well worth the money. Lawson commented that if we go again, we'll make sure to order dinner in the "cellar" where a pianist plays. The funny thing about the "cellar" is that it is not a true cellar at all. The space is level with the street outside and you only step down two steps to be in the "cellar." This is where we had desert which was a chocolate brownie with almonds and vanilla ice cream. Ours arrived with a lit candle and the waitress stated happily that desert "was on us in celebration of our anniversary." The atmosphere in the cellar was happily cheery with two different pianists, one of which was a woman whose voice could have fit perfectly on N.P.R. She in fact, walked over to our table to wish us happy anniversary. After leaving and tipping the valet boy, we traveled five minutes down Poplar to retrieve our umbrella left accidentally a couple of weeks ago at Sarah's house. Folk's Folley was definitely a dinner and night to remember!

Sunday times

The "Spring Forward" concept is very hard to get used to but we're glad to have adjusted to it today. Due to the church schedule change, we were able to attend Sunday School for 1hr and 15 minutes rather than 1hr as usual. Since choir was not singing today, we remained in Sunday School longer and sat with the congregation for once!

Most of the bottom floor of the sanctuary was filled with students from 5th grade up to the college age level. It looked like a sea of blue since the students were wearing blue t-shirts to identify themselves as youth. I kept thinking back to when I was young person at our church in Massachusetts. Almost every week I'd dream that hundreds of students came through the doors of our very small church. You see, I grew up in a church pretty much by myself. There were no other children in my age group. What can you expect if a church has only a population of 30-40 people?

The service today was held by the church youth group. That meant that youth group praise and worship music played and some of the folks in the 60's and above group cringed a bit as an actual band set themselves up on the stage and sang music unknown to most. The speaker was a visiting pastor in his mid-thirties who focused upon Isaiah chapter six. The message gave hope to those who were failures in different areas and times in their lives. As long as people allow themselves to be used by God, He can use people mightily, no matter what failures have happened in the past.

After church, we hurried on to Lawson's parents home where we had a lunch of roast, carrots, green beans and mashed potatoes. Later, Lawson spent some of the afternoon helping his father fix a computer upstairs while I sat with Lawson's mother and watched with amusement, her stuffed animal type dog (a Papillon) slap a charcoal gray kitty around on the face.

We finished off the afternoon with a short nap back at our house and then took Kit for a one mile walk around the "block."